Friday, January 8, 2010

PARADOX OF LOVING OUR ENEMIES

In my last post, I wrote on the 'Paradox of Money'. In today's post, I wish to write on another Paradox: 'the 'Paradox of loving our enemies'.

Who is an enemy? Does he actually exist? Or, does he just exist in our minds - a creation of our own perception, our distorted thinking?

"Do not tell me to be a Jesus Christ," this middle-aged lady retorted to me some years ago, "I don't wish to be nailed on the cross like Him." I was trying to broker peace between this lady and another one. They had a prolonged history of bitterness, distrust and animosity.

It is less than four years, since that episode. Presently, the two ladies have become best of friends. The equation has changed; both of them have come together... They have new, common enemies. I am one of them!

Life, indeed, is too short. These two ladies are the monumental example! In Politics, nobody is any body's permanent friend or enemy. A year, there, is incredibly a long time! Any change can happen... even faster than a miracle!

Well, I have come to believe, that, Politics, no matter how much we dislike it, does not spare any one of our lives. We ARE political in our thinking; we ARE politicians. Whether we like it or not; and, whether we agree with it or not. It is just a matter of degree, the size.

This morning, when I entered our lift, I bumped into this lady who did not want to be a Jesus Christ. "Oh, hi ma'am'," I instinctively exclaimed, as I closed the lift door behind me. "Good morning," I added.

A stone-like silence was in store for me. From the fourth floor, till we landed at the ground floor, the lady showed no response. "Bye ma'am," I said, as she hurriedly moved out before me, with the shrewdest front one could ever put.

Now that I am in my office, and, this lady... well, probably, must be at her residence. I am curious to know what must be going on in her mind: "You better stay away from me," or, "Don't try to impress me," or, "Your better know, I am still angry and not forgiven you," or, "Go to hell... I don't care." ... I am really curious to know what goes on in the mind of a person who is in her place.

I can tell you what goes on in my mind. I feel good about myself; I feel light. I bear no grudges against this lady... I never bore any, ever. There, certainly, has been some misunderstanding, which I, from my part, have tried to clarify, but in vain. I feel, I am in alignment with my core values: harmony, tolerance, forgiveness, humility and reconciliation. I think, after this morning's incidence, I came out a lot relieved, a lot light.

It is for me to 'choose' what is 'right' and what is 'good' for me... for my self-esteem and well-being. Similarly, it is for that lady to make her own choices. She chose the route she felt best for her; I did what I, instinctively, felt best for me.

Mind Games. Power Games. Body Language. Many insist on using these tools and strategies to deal with their opponents. "Don't' say 'Hello' to him," "Don't shake hands with him," "Don't give smile to him," "Ignore him," "Let him know that you are not weak; you are strong."... These are some of the instructions I have, often, received from some of my well-wishers. I love them, and I know they give me this advice with good intentions. But, what I do not agree is that I am not weak when I give smile to my enemy; I am not weak, when I say 'Hi' and offer my hand. I feel light, good... and, that is more important to me.

Probably, if I could feel equally light and good, after snubbing as that lady did, I, too, might have used the tools and strategies of Power Games. But, I have nothing to prove to any one. I need harmony within; and, for that, I have to be in line with my deepest values.

Living in this world means living with all sorts of people. I am one of the sorts. I know, misunderstanding is a part of our life. I also know, all misunderstanding can be sorted out if our personal intentions are clear, honest and good... If we 'will' and 'desire' peace.

Politics is a reality of our living. My life is no exception. Yes, politics 'governs' our lives. And, our lives, in deed, are too short. Please note, a year, in politics, is a very, very long time.

Ma'am I love you.


GERALD D'CUNHA

1 comment:

Girish said...

Hello Sir. Again a very of intresting topic. "Enemies" exist very much in mind. The moment we are bit softened and the enemies transforms into a normal person and then as a pal. As the saying goes Best Freinds often turns into worst enemies but i believe when worst enemies become good friends then they are best of the best.

You did the right thing and whenever you are meeting the lady just keep wishing her and one day you would be surprised when she would be wishing you with grace. Remember "Munnabhai MBBS"

Best Wishes,
Girish