WHO IS SUPPOSED TO KEEP ME HAPPY?
Finally, whose well-being am I
Supposed to be concerned with?
I still battle with this issue.
Sometimes I think I am responsible
To make another person happy…
So, I try… I tell the person,
“I care for you; I love you more than I can say.”
I feel very fulfilled
When what I say makes the other person his day.
“Thank you dear…
It means a lot, means the world to me!" he says.
And, when I hear that... I simply go crazy like a babe!
But, then, I have this part of me
Which is not happy with what I am doing…
I get a nagging feeling inside,
That I am doing all this at the cost of
My own well-being…
If it was not so, why should I feel the discomfort?
Why should I feel the suffocation?
Why should I feel the anxiety -
Whether I will be able to
Keep the other person happy, always?
Why do I feel angry
When he is oblivious of my well-being…
my little world?
Can I make another happy, always?
Is it my business?
I am a pleaser… Some of my well-wishers tell me…
I try to do too much… too much to please.
They point out to me that
It will be like a bottomless hell…
A self-destroying rescue mission!
I am aware what it does to my confidence…
I know, it is too much of a strain on me
To make another person happy in his life.
I ask, then, this question:
Who has taken upon him the rescue mission
To make me happy for all my life?
My boy friend or my girl friend?
I am a pleaser, they remind me…
The one who doesn’t have enough self-confidence!
I just can’t swallow this…
No, I can not.
Lord, take everything else away from me…
But, leave behind for me my self-confidence, I pray.
Teach me how not to please another outside…
When my heart bleeds inside.
Teach me Lord to nurture my own yearning heart first…
With all the self-care.
Teach me to be confident…
And then share it with someone who needs my hand.
Teach me the difference between
Caring for someone with love and doing it with fear and need…
The fear of losing…
The need of clinging.
Who is supposed to keep me happy in my life?
Who is supposed to do it for him?