THE POWER ETIQUETTE

Pic.: Sherry Haridas

Some days back, I called up one of our Society’s watchmen. “Mishra*, are you busy,” I asked, “Can you come here for a minute?”

“Yes, sir... I will be there in a minute,” Mishra said enthusiastically.

“You are the Chairman of the Society,” the man next to me, who had overheard the conversation, reminded me, “Don’t ask ‘Can you come?’... Order him to come!”

I hid what I wanted to say to this man behind my smile: “My friend, my mom taught me so... and, I have been teaching, for years, this to my students. But, there in the village, my mom did not know it was called – ‘Manners and Etiquette’. She just knew that’s how it was supposed to be!"

There is a power that stems from our positions – as a Minister, a Police Commissioner, a CEO, a Judge, an Income-tax officer, a Chairman, a Secretary, a Principal, a Captain, a parent, a teacher, a doctor, an advocate, and, even, as a compounder of a doctor or a peon in a government office...

Power is heady! To realize how heady it is, how blunt and hurting it can be, we need to be on the receiving end of it...

And, we all have been on the receiving end of this kind of heady power... Yes, we have hated it. Hated when we had to stoop before an arrogant Principal or an over-strict class teacher of our child... We have hated it when our insensitive bosses wanted us to be at their beck and call... We have hated it when a Government officer made us dance to his tunes...

I can tell you, honestly, how I wished a teacher, a cop, a doctor and even a bank clerk had spoken to me courteously... even when I had gone to them for my need. And, I am sure, that’s how everyone - including the one who had reminded me of my position as a Chairman of a housing society - would feel.

There is, also, a power that stems from being a responsible, concerned, caring and compassionate human-being, a fellow-being. Often, I wonder: Why did Jesus Christ wash his disciples’ feet? Why is a kar seva held in a shrine? Why do we accept the simple prasad in a temple with our covered scalps and bowed heads... Yes, I do wonder: Why are we so desperate to send our little-ones to classes and learn the manners and etiquette?

So much so, we, often, remind our little-ones, “Honey, it is more polite and graceful when you say, “May I come in ma’am?” instead of “Can I come in ma’am?”

I am a grown-up... and, here is another grow-up reminding me that I should not call our watchman, saying: “Can you come here for a minute?”... Instead, I should just order – “COME HERE!”

Power Etiquette! Quite heady, I feel...

* The name is changed

GERALD D’CUNHA