YOU DON'T GET CONFIDENCE IN A GROCERY SHOP

Pic.: Alwyn Mathias

A 13-year-old girl was there on stage for the first time, yesterday. She was very nervous, almost frozen. Now, our first job is to help the young-one not to feel embarrassed about such a plight… that, it is perfectly okay to be nervous… that, like her, most of us are nervous, and, as we learn to handle those first few seconds on stage, we do learn to handle the rest of the presentation.

So, it is important, that the nervous speaker is freed from any such guilt or embarrassment on stage.  As a trainer, how you deal with such a speaker – what you tell, how you tell and how loving and caring you are – would tell whether or not the young-one would go home feeling stronger or weaker… feeling on top of the world or at the bottom of the pit…

It was a group of pre-teens. This particular girl was, thus, the oldest of all. As I, always, do after every speech, I prompted little-ones to tell what was good about the speaker… They had to be alert and empathetic to do that… They had to closely observe… They had to feel for the speaker. It is easy to point at other speakers’ blunders on stage… But, the moment one realizes, that it is not easy to be there on stage, one learns to be less critical and more empathetic...

Our kids came out with, at least, half-a-dozen ‘good things’ about the 13-year-old girl… She was, visibly, surprised!

Then, I urged the little-ones to offer their friend one or two tips for improvement…

“Sir, she should be more confident,” was the first tip from a ten-year-old.

“”Tell her how,” an 11-year-old suggested to the 10-year-old.

I was watching!

“She needs confidence,” said, again, the 10-year-old…

“Tell her how to find it,” said the 11-year-old.

I decided to take over from there. The 11-year-old had been attending our sessions for the third time in a row. Three years ago, when he had been on the stage for the first time, he had heard me saying this: “Hello sweethearts, you don’t get confidence in a grocery shop… You get it as you do what you are afraid of.”

“How many of you know cycling,” I asked them.

All twenty hands went up… Many of them stood up and raised their hands!

“How many of you can ride bicycle without the side-wheel?”

Once again, all hands went up...

“Did you need the side-wheel in the beginning?”

“Yes.”

“Did you need your dad or mom by your side when you tried first?’

“Yes.”

“Were you afraid in the start?”

“Yes.”

“Now?”

“NOOOOOO!!!!”

“So did you get your confidence from the grocery shop or did you get it by doing what you were afraid of?”

“By doing what we were afraid of!”

“Very good, sweethearts,” I patted them, “I will tell you how else you can get your confidence - your self-confidence…”

“Have a burning desire to learn new things in life… Feel excited about it.”

“Learn to trust yourself; have faith in your abilities… Keep telling yourself ‘I can do it’… ‘I am learning’… ‘I am becoming confident slowly and steadily’.”

“Learn to take plenty of small risks… Say ‘Hi’ to a stranger… Give a smile to him heartily… Learn to take your own decisions… Become less and less dependent on your elders in deciding for you.”

“Make a small promise to yourself… and keep it. When you keep your promises, your confidence goes up; and, when you break them, keep breaking them repeatedly, your confidence comes down.”

“Find out what your talents and strengths are… There are one or two God-given talents in all of us… Don’t you agree? There are some strengths… some things, which, each one of can do very, very well… Do you know about them… Find out what you are good at, and you will feel good about yourself, very confident. On the other hand, if you do not know what you are good at, you will feel bad about yourself, worthless.”

“Learn to feel appreciated… So many people cheer you up standing on your wayside… They are your cheerleaders… See them, hear them, feel them… Your heart yearns for appreciation… let it soak in it. Also, appreciate others… When you appreciate and compliment others more and more, and do it with your full heart, you do feel more and more confident. The more you give, the more you receive… And, that’s the best way to become self-confident in life.”

“By the way, sweethearts, do you understand what I say?” I wanted to check…

"YESSSSS!!!"

“”Is it a rocket-science?”

“NOOOOOO!!!!”

“So, shall we go to the grocery shop to get our confidence?”

I wanted to see the 10-year-old’s reaction to this… He had said, “Sir, she should be more confident.”

GERALD D’CUNHA