THE GREATEST CERTIFICATE

Pic.: Amrita Jeurkar

It is more than a month now since our young-ones started attending this PD course. One of the most common concerns of all parents is the conflict with heir young children at home. That’s the concern of the young-ones, too. There is conflict at home… loud arguments, anger, frustration and sulking. Parents complain that their young children do not listen to them, they are insensitive. The children, on the other hand, think that their parents do not understand their feelings, they are insensitive. So, to help reduce this conflict, I make them speak on the subject, both, on stage and in GD’s.

“When you go out with your friends, particularly at night, if parents want to know – where you go, why you go, with whom you go and at what time you will be back, is it fair on their part to do so… Or, is it too much of controlling?” I asked our young-ones to discuss in the GD, today.

I was impressed with what I heard. Though, almost all of them voiced out their frustrations, and spoke openly about their constant conflict with their parents on this issue, they were unanimous on the issue, that their parents did it with care and concern… The young boys and girls voiced as to why it was important that parents should know where the kids went, with whom and why. And, yes, by what time they would return. Some of them shared how open their parents were, and yet, how they waited anxiously for their kids to come home… Some shared how their parents would call them once the time was out to check at what time they would be back… Some young-ones were irritated with their parents for calling them, or their friends, many times when they were out…   However, they agreed on the point, that parents did it out of care and concern… and, yes, because they were genuinely anxious about the safety of their children.

I loved what young Suraj said while wrapping up the discussion. He said, “Friends, we are old enough and wise enough to understand the vulnerabilities of our parents… the demands coming from their anxieties. So, we can help reduce this tension with our parents, if we can, on our own, let our parents know where we go, with whom, for what, and, importantly, by what time we would return. When we are out late in the night, if we call up before they do to tell them by when we would be back, I think, they will learn to trust us more and it will help us feel a lot good about ourselves.”

Suraj was there on it, bang on!

I knew how effective Suraj’s suggestion was, not only from the perspective of the young children, but, also, from the perspective of parents… Every time my young son went out with his friends, I would prevail upon him to tell us, his parents, where he went, why, with whom and, importantly, by what time he would be back. My wife and I did not do it to control him; we wanted him to be safe and not get into any trouble while he was out. We would not bother to disturb him by calling unless the time was out… All that we would insist on is this: “Help reduce your parents’ anxiety.” And, yes, whenever our son would call up and tell us if there was any change in plan, we would feel less anxious and more confident about our son…

So, it was refreshing and validating to hear it from our young boys and girls, today… “No, parents did not do it to control us… but to empower us.” Yes, this was the consensus of the GD.

After the session, I casually asked a group of one-ones if the course was helping them. “Yes sir, a lot,” they said in a chorus.

“I can see many changes in me, sir,” a young girl beamed.

“Do you hear your parents telling this about you?” I asked with my smile.

“Sir, my parents do tell me this,” another young-one claimed.

“Mine, too,” joined another.

“You know what,” I concluded, “when you hear it from your parents, remember, that would be your greatest certificate!”

There was no conflict over this one!

GERALD D’CUNHA