WHEN I SEEM CUT-OFF FROM THE WORLD AROUND ME




























“Best of the conversations are sometimes made in silence.” 
― Danya Krish

Normally, our Tai Chi classes on Sundays are held in the open. The bright, blue sky and gentle breeze make the experience quite special. Today, as it was raining heavily, we were having our class in an open area which was covered with metal sheets… We could feel the wind and the rain… Outside, trees danced to the rain beats on the metal roof… In the break, I stood alone and found myself lost in the amazing rain-show while others spent time in each other’s company.

“Gerry sir, where are you?” Anitha, a dear co-learner, brought me back, “Lost completely!”

Two days ago, seven of us had been to Igatpuri. It was pouring outside and the landscape was lush green, throbbing with life… I found myself lost, distant… almost cut-off from everything and everyone around me. It was a leisure trip… and everyone around me was joking, teasing and laughing. Ironically, I was the one who spoke the least… even laughed the least… I was very much there, yet not there… They all loved me, respected me… So, none of them complained about my silence… as if the trip needed my silence too to make it special…

Yes, I am being poetic here as I speak now at hindsight. But, frankly, I was aware of my non-involvement when it came to group communication… I was finding it difficult to rationalize it and force myself to speak, joke and laugh… I had carried with me copies of some of my books to gift each one of them… They were happy and thankful… They all complimented me for my efforts and talent, particularly for the work I did by empowering young and little ones for years and years…

“But, why was I not able to empower myself, today? Why was I not able to contribute much to the ‘little chatter’ that was so precious for the moment?” Yes, I was troubled by these thoughts and apologetic, too. In the evening, while saying good-bye, I couldn’t hide my guilt, anymore. I confessed: “I thoroughly enjoyed your company… You all made the trip so lively with jokes and laughter… I spoke the least.”

“Not at all,” my friends were too kind to me, “we enjoyed with you.”

The moment I walked into my office, that evening, I blogged on our morning experience at the Shahpur Gurudwara on our way to Igatpuri. I was pleasantly surprised to note that the post had touched so many of my readers, many of them were not on my FB friend-list…  A voice inside me was consoling me: “Why was that only you were gifted to tell the story – share the experience – even though seven of you soaked in the same experience?”

Finally, I had befriended my silence and made peace with my guilt of not being able to ‘contribute’ to the laughter around me… 

Maybe, that’s how it is… That, when I seem cut-off from the world around me, I am actually ‘lost in the world completely’ as Anitha said, unwittingly, this morning…

“My silence doesn't mean I don't know what goes around me, but what goes around me don't deserve my words,” wrote Eyden I.  in ‘Woman’s Book: Only for Men’.

Mercy… I have found one more ‘treasure’ in my lost world!


GERALD D’CUNHA


Pic.: Avinash Mantri

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