WE ARE NOT STONES... WE ARE TENDER REEDS

Some of the most beautiful houses on this planet are built by not humans… but by birds, spiders and ants. Yes, we may not call them ‘houses’, but ‘nests’, ‘webs’ and ‘anthills’. But, are they not their houses, which they raise with the same love, passion, dedication, patience, sacrifice and hope – yes, for their loved ones?

And, despite the harsh reality of imminent destruction, these creatures make no compromise when they go about raising their houses… They raise them with no fear, bitterness or sorrow… They build their beautiful houses, all over again, even after you and I demolish them in a blink!

Well, you and I have a different story to tell… We raise our beautiful ‘homes’, giving our all to our little children, raise them up to adulthood, and then, one day, we see them go away to raise their own… And, knowing it very well, we still do it with all our love, dedication, patience, sacrifice and hope… Yes, only to send them off, so that they can raise their own nests, webs and anthills!

To me, that’s the most beautiful thing about living and loving. “Parting is such sweet sorrow that I shall say goodnight till it be tomorrow.” I fell in love with this line from “Romeo and Juliet’, the very first time I heard in my English class… I was barely 17 then!

Parting is the ‘truth’, the ‘reality’ of existence…  We all have come here to live in our parents’ nests, and, then, one day, go away to build our own… and, our children, too, will come and go the same way, for the same reason!

Parting is, indeed, such sweet sorrow!

Natasha*, a dear friend of mine, who lives abroad, had posted, today, some lovely pictures with her second son, Yash*. The young man was all set to go away from her nest for his college studies. Her elder son Neil* has been away for some years… and, my friend, Natasha* was heart-broken. Particularly for this boy Yash, who she and her husband had almost ‘lost’ due to some painful reasons. She had bled so much for Yash, feeling so vulnerable and frightened, so often… she had spent so many sleepless nights to ‘get him back to their fold, to nurse him back to normalcy… And, now, when everything seems to settle down, the time had come to send him off her safe nest!

Natasha wrote to me, today:

“These last few days have been especially wonderful, as we have been traveling with Yash to Michigan and enjoying quality time with him. He has had many conversations with me that have been healing for us both. Reflecting on the last couple of years' struggles, we’ve both been able to be candid with each other on how we experienced the struggle. When I asked him what experiences he remembered where he felt supported by us, his sincere response was, “Too many to count”! I know he’s ready to spread his wings ... I am ready to let him go.”

Natasha continued: “This quote about parenthood resonates with me now more than ever.”

‘Parenthood is about raising and celebrating the child you have, not the child you thought you would have. It’s about understanding your child is exactly the person he/she is supposed to be… And, if you are lucky, he/she might be the teacher who turns you into the person you are supposed to be.’ -  The Water Giver

Natasha added: “Yash has taught me many valuable lessons in life including, living in the moment, loving fiercely and unconditionally, breaking societal norms and expectations, accepting others for who they are, fighting for ones values, to be humble... I am forever grateful to him for being my teacher.”

“It’s a little daunting for me to figure out how my husband and I have to operate just with each other again  ... Last 20 years, we have operated as a family of four, now we are back to being two and that’s going to be different.

Good thing we have our dog Rudi to bring some balance!

I wrote back:

Nice to hear that Natasha... We haven’t met for decades now... Still from thousands of miles afar, I can feel a mother's most sincere prayer, pain and gratitude... and, in that vulnerability alone, true love is en-clasped... Your children have come in this world 'through' you, Natasha'... but they are Destiny’s children... That's a precious lesson, which, I think, that quote means to convey...

Natasha replied: “Destiny’s children! Very apt term to describe both my boys. I truly believe I was given the gift of being their mother... Neil and Yash, each in their own ways, have taught me life in ways no other teacher has, and who I am today is because of that gift.”

I wanted to conclude: “Natasha, I can only smile reading that age-old sorrow of parting away... All our lives, just the way the birds, spiders and ants do, we, too, build our homes and families knowing very well, that it’s all going to go one day, saying in our hearts, ‘So be it’... And, that's beautiful... You are strong in your aloneness, not weak. To me, it's the way of learning to love ‘what is’. Do feel that vulnerability... do feel that aliveness. We are not stones, we are tender reeds, you see... Sharing with you Bette Midler’s famous song, 'Rose'. Even if you have heard it many times before, do soak in it, once more. Love.”

I was pleasantly surprised with this response from Natasha:

“What a coincidence…  My husband and I are watching that exact song on Netflix, right now, as you are messaging me the link!”

I could only say this to close our conversation: “See! That's how we find all our answers, Natasha – in the strength of our vulnerability… Love your people with all your vulnerability. T.Cre.”

 * Names changed

GERALD D’CUNHA

Pic.:Pflanzart/Internet

Video: Bette Midler/YouTube