LEARNING TO DO THOSE 'MINDLESS THINGS', MINDFULLY
“As you grow older, you will discover
that you have two hands, one for helping yourself,
the other for helping others.” —
I was talking to a friend of mine, last morning. She is very qualified
and articulate. Before she got married, she had worked for many years in a
reputed company. But, once her two sons were born, she chose to quit her
well-paying job and focus fully on her family. Her husband holds a top position in one of the blue chip companies in
India, while her two sons have finished their studies… One is well-placed in a
company and other is about to join.
A significant part
of my friend’s life, in the last three decades or so, has been devoted towards
her parents’ care. The aged and ailing parents live on their own in the same
city as my friend lives. So, like the lives of several others from the so-called ‘Sandwiched
generation’, my friend’s life, too, is stuffed between the families of parents and her own…
“I am in my mid
fifties now, and I have missed on many ‘small things’ in life,” said my friend,
yesterday, “Of late, I have taken some conscious decisions… that is, to pursue
some of those small things I always wanted to… Not the ‘big things’ like world
tours and exotic cruise rides, which I have done enough… I have missed on ‘small
things’ like learning to swim, play a piano or some ‘mindless things’ such as
hanging out with my dear friends at kitty parties and so on.”
‘Mindless things!
I loved that expression.
I, too, have
missed on pursuing so many of those seemingly ‘mindless things’. Yes, amidst the frantic seriousness of family life, like my friend and many others around me,
I, too, have not done some of those ‘mindless things’…
“There is a
new-found joy and excitement when you learn to swim, dance or play a piano at
this age. You become a child, all over again… It nourishes your heart,” my
friend told me, yesterday, “If our own hearts are not nourished well, we will
not do a great job in nourishing the hearts of our parents, spouses and
children. So, I have learnt to let go, to a large extend, my anxiety about my parents,
spouse and children… I think, I owe it to myself.”
Do we owe it to ourselves? Is it being ‘selfish’ or ‘harsh’?
Yes, I think, we
all owe it to ourselves… It’s not being ‘selfish’ or ‘harsh’… Not at all!
Life of our parents, spouses and children are, undoubtedly, very
valuable to us. But, what about our own? What about those little pleasures of
learning to swim, dance or play cards with friends, a bit of gossip at the
kitties… or, just hanging out with them? Yes, what about doing ‘mindfully’ some’
mindless things’ when our lives seem sandwiched between those of our parents
from one side and spouses and children
from the other?
How about making a
decision to nourish our hearts a little more, from today?
GERALD D’CUNHA
Pic.: Kamal Kishore Rikhari
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