THE BEAUTY OF OUR IMPERFECTION
I
started writing since I was 17-18, not because I was good at it; but, because I
was bad at it. Same is the reason why I started helping others in Public
Speaking – yes, not because I was good at it; but, because I was bad at it!
Many people do
not understand the logic behind what I just said. “How can you write daily when
you are bad at it? And, how can you help others in Public Speaking when you
yourself are bad at it?
Well, my job
is not to convince others… My job is to convince myself. That, despite my own
handicap of English, I can still write; and, despite my trembling heart, I can
not only speak in public, but also help others.
I recognized
my two handicaps – English and Stage Fear - when I was dreaming of becoming a
teacher and a writer. So, I went about overcoming my handicaps by - going out
there and doing it. By writing daily, for over forty years, I hope, I have in
me, now, enough confidence to write in English… By speaking in public, despite
my nagging stage fear and nervousness, yes, for over forty years, I believe, I
have in me, now, enough confidence to speak in public…
Why wait till
I become ‘fully’ self-confident and ‘perfect’ and then start writing and
speaking? Why can’t I start writing in English and speaking in public and,
thereby, become ‘fairly’ self-confident and shed some of my imperfection?
Many don’t
understand this logic, either!
I have two
dear friends, who are excellent in their respective subjects. One wanted to
write a book on his subject… For over thirty years, I have been hearing from
him this – ‘I am writing my book’! Well, he is 77, now!
The other friend
is 55. His dream was to conduct Yoga classes. Again, this friend of mine, too,
has been telling me about his dream for over thirty years!
My two dear
friends are waiting to become ‘perfect’ in their subjects, and, perhaps, they
want to become ‘fully’ self-confident in order to do what they want to. I ask
them, “Why can’t you start doing a little at a time… in a small way… right from
where you stand now, from whatever knowledge and confidence you possess?”
Are these two
friends of mine afraid of failing?
Are they
worried about the criticism – “What if I make mistakes?” “What will they think?”
One of them told
me, the other day, when I said, that I had been writing since I was 17-18: “But,
you make many mistakes in your writings”!
“Of course I
do, my friend; that’s why I write... Because I make mistakes… Because I am
imperfect… Because I need to build my self-confidence by expressing through
English language… not as an English teacher… but, as a story-teller in this
language, just as Madam Sudha Murthy has been doing for many, many years.
I do not know,
if my friend will ever buy my argument. Let him wait to become ‘perfect’ and ‘fully
confident’… And, let me continue to write and speak with my imperfections and
trembling heart… Let me keep reminding myself: “It’s okay, It’s okay!”
I don’t think,
there is ‘that day’ when you and I will become ‘Perfect’ and ‘Fully confident’
in life...
But, my two
friends are still waiting for ‘that day’!
GERALD D’CUNHA
Pic.: Anil Bedi
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