GOD DOESN'T MAKE JUNK

 

“A stark sense of isolation encloses anyone

who looks outward for validation.”

Gina Barreca

The need for other people’s approval is an extremely strong need, in almost all of us… Whether we admit it or not, it is. To a certain degree, acceptance of this reality helps us to live in peace with our inner selves. Living in denial is a huge strain. “I do not need any one’s approval”… “I do not need your validation”… Well, we, often, make these statements and they make us appear quite macho. But, I think, beneath that macho veneer hides our deep human need for approval, appreciation and validation from others. So, getting in touch with this need – and being able to gauge how much it helps us or how much it hurts us – is part of growing-up process.

After reading my last Blog – ‘Counting the Footwear Outside My Door’ – my cousin Jennifer wrote this:

“It’s like we are always seeking validation from others – validation, that we exist and are of value. While, intrinsically, because we exist, we have value… God doesn’t make junk!”

She continued:

“It’s also a great paradox. Because, as children, we cannot see ourselves except refreshed through the eyes of others. We need others to hold a mirror to us, so that we can see ourselves. The problem, of course, is that, often, we see through a distorting mirror – and we see ourselves distorted and of low value. That’s what growing up is all about – to figure out what our true nature is. And, the better we see ourselves, the better we can see others.”

I agreed with Jennifer and wrote back: “The fact, as you said, is very simple: ‘Because we exist, we have value.’ Look at that desperation in us to seek validation from others! The whole edifice of social media is raised on this human weakness.”

From my own experience, I know this: Other people’s appreciation is an important leg of that stool called ‘Self-confidence’. But, then, what goes without saying is this: If we do not learn to see our own goodness - our own beauty and worth and appreciate them – seeking it from others is a frustrating exercise… It’s like trying to fill a bottomless pit!

Jennifer was referring to this truth. “The better we see ourselves, the better we see others!”

The need for other people’s approval can become an addiction, and that is what we should be guarding against. In her book - ‘Who Is Pulling Your Strings?' (How to Break the Cycle of Manipulation and Regain Control of Your Life) – psychologist Harriet B. Bralkar writes:

“If you are an approval addict, your behaviour is as easy to control as that of any other junkie. All a manipulator needs to do is a simple two-step process: Give you what you crave, and, then, threaten to take it away. Every drug dealer in the world plays this game.”

I wish to leave you with this thought…

God doesn’t expect us to be junks… Leave alone junkies!

 

GERALD D’CUNHA

 

Pic’s.: 1. Pixels  2. Paata Gogua

 

Video: Dare to do Motivation