Gerald D'Cunha

“The worst part of success is trying to find someone who is happy for you.” Bette Midler A while ago, a middle-aged man had come to meet me. He wanted some help, in one of the subjects, for his college-going daughter. I knew this man’s family… Parents were no more. He had two younger brothers. When I enquired about them, this man became very emotional… He narrated to me, in detail, how relationship between him and his two younger brothers had gone sour over the years. They lived in a small chawl, barely of ten-by-twenty size. He described to me as to how his two brothers had succeeded to bifurcate that place into three parts, and how the conflict had been erupting over everything – water-connection, electricity, property-tax, kitchen and, movement of people. “They have, even, poisoned the minds of their little children,” the man said, “Little ones are not allowed to come over to our side or talk to any of us.” Last time I had met this man, he had told me about a small shop (j...

  “Those who lie down with dogs will rise up with fleas.” An old saying   E very week, I prominently display a new quote or a saying in my classroom. I believe, that many of my young students read them, and, hopefully, try to take home the message these quotes and sayings try to convey. I am, also, quite conscious of the reality, that there are some, who just choose to overlook these quotes and sayings, leave alone trying to take home their message… Today’s old saying was:   “Those who lie down with dogs will rise up with fleas.”   O ne of my students, apparently a dog-lover, felt a bit offended. “Sir, what does this saying mean? Is it not very derogatory? My entire family loves to lie down next to our dog… and, we all love it. We do not have any problem with that.” Another student of mine, the friend of this boy, tried to intervene. “ Arey yaar , just as some dogs have fleas and some dogs don’t, some of our friends have fleas and some don’t. We...

  “Our anxiety does not come from thinking about the future, but from wanting to control it.” Kahlil Gibran   W hy do we call some things in our lives – ‘a pleasant surprise’? For these two obvious reasons: 1. It’s pleasant 2. It comes as a surprise. No matter how frantically you and I try to control our future, we simply cannot. We can only think about our future… plan for it, work for it and, even, pray for it. But, beyond that, we cannot do anything. Like many around me, I, too, have spent too many sleepless nights worrying over my future. But, what has happened in my life, yes, a large part of it had not been thought over or planned about. It has come as a pure surprise. Yes, mostly pleasant… Some, unpleasant. When I see this reality, I learn to let go of my need to control the outcome of my efforts. I learn to do my work with all my heart, with total focus and dedication. That done, I learn to simply trust the kind Universe to do the rest. Money, health,...

  “I take rejection as someone blowing a bugle in my ear to wake me up and get going, rather than retreat.” Sylvester Stallone   S teve Jobs, in his inspiring speech at the Stanford University’s graduation ceremony said, “You cannot connect the dots looking forward; we can only connect them looking backward.” He was talking about some of the lowest moments in his life – the times, when he felt rejected, defeated, betrayed and lost. He was encouraging the young graduates not to look for instant success in life… to believe in their dreams, pursue them and learn from all the painful moments – and, yes, look back at those ‘dots’ and connect them in order to move forward in life. That advise makes lots of sense to every aspiring soul on this planet. It’s priceless! Success seldom comes – and should not come - to any of us on a ready platter. Getting rejected ought to be a prerequisite for success. Rejection from others is the true test of our claim to success:   Ar...

  “Don’t be satisfied with stories, how things have gone with others. Unfold your own myth.” Rumi   I n one of our summer sessions on Personality Development, I asked our young participants to come up on stage and speak extempore on this topic: ‘Five (at least three) ways in which I can build my self-confidence other than public speaking’… The outcome was really interesting. Many of them had joined the programme hoping to build their self-confidence through public speaking. In other words, their idea of a self-confident individual was limited to a confident public speaker… So, to think of five (or at least three) other ways of building his/her self-confidence, other than public speaking, meant - ‘What else?’ And, yes, there were many others who came up and share their views… By taking more and more responsibility towards self… By making a promise and keeping it… by giving a commitment and honouring it… by being punctual… by being less reactive and feeling less he...

  “All you need is love. But, a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.” Charles M. Schulz   T he evening before last, my wife I had been to R-City Mall. She wanted to pick some outfits for her Yoga sessions. So, we landed up at the Decathlon outlet at this mall. By the time the shopping got over, it was 8.45 p. m. While waiting there for madam to finish with her choices, my mind was running very wild: “What would we have at the food outlets? Which late-night movie shall we watch?” I was dying to have a big-fat chicken burger at the McDonald’s, and was assuming, that my wife would love to have her favourite Fillet-O-Fish. Perhaps, she would love to watch the late show of ‘Jurassic Park’ at the INOX… I had checked the timings: 9.45 p.m. But, I hadn’t checked it with my wife. When I, finally, did, I heard this: “No way. I have cooked for the dinner very nice-and-big (read, ‘very expensive’) pomfrets for you. We are going to have dinner at home.” I sulked. “Come on,...

  “The habit of reading is the only enjoyment in which there is no alloy. It lasts when all other pleasures fade.” Anthony Trollope   M any parents keep making this request to me: “Sir, please tell my son/daughter to read.” I smile. There are two reasons behind that smile… One: I did not cultivate the reading habit till I was in twelfth standard. Two: Most of the parents, who want me to tell their children to read, don’t read. So, is there a ‘right time’ to cultivate this reading habit in life? Is it something that can be ‘taught’ to someone, particularly little children? I am not a child psychologist; hence, I do not know whether or not reading habit can be ‘taught’. But, this much I know: each one has a personal reason as to why he or she reads books. Between the parents, one may swear by the books; the other may simply stay off them. Or, both may be fond of reading; but, not their children. Or, parents may not have touched books in their lives; but, their ch...

  A while ago, I was having my mid-morning ‘cutting’ at a nearby tapri . That’s the place, I, often, get to hear some serious discussions/debates   - about politics, religion, or life at large… often, some finest dialogues, and, even, the choicest expletives! This morning, I was ‘privileged’ to overhear some serious discussion over the latest Maharashtra politics. The paanwala and, apparently, his regular customer, a rickshaw-wala . The paanwala , who seemed to be a North Indian, sounded extremely excited and satisfied about the development… He wanted the MVA government to collapse. The Rickshaw-wala – apparently, a Maharashtrian – was angry at the political development. He was feeling cheated and was cursing his heart out on those leaders, who, he thought, were betrayers… He was blaming BJP for engineering all the drama… “Ye sab game hai; saare chor ha i.” He was fuming with frustration and disappointment. The chaiwala, a Rajasthani middle-aged man – who gets to witness...

  “The only creatures that are evolved enough to convey pure love are dogs and infants.” Johnny Depp   T here is a special breed of human beings – the   breed that loves to   adopt pets at home - dogs, cats, birds, turtles, fishes and a dozen other creatures. Back in our village in Mangalore, where I grew up, it’s normal – rather, mandatory – to have at home dogs, cats, chicken, cows, buffalos. While Muslim households mostly had none of these, Christian households had even pigs. Here I am talking about a typical village household. In cities, obviously, many houses took pride in keeping pets – dogs and cats of fine breed. I have lived in Mumbai for nearly 42 years now. But, I have never tried a pet – be it a dog, cat, bird, fishes, turtle whatsoever. My youngest brother, Vivek, who lives in Navi Mumbai, has been long living, surrounded at home by a giant dog, a doting cat and a shy turtle. In fact, his family just cannot think of a life without these ‘spec...

  It’s ok, it’s ok, it’s ok, it’s ok If you’re lost We are all a little lost and it’s alright It’s ok, it’s ok, it’s ok, It’s ok If you’re lost We are all a little lost, and it’s alright (From the original song ‘It’s ok’ by   Nightbirde)   ‘G race’, ‘Gratitude’, ‘Acceptance’, ‘Peace’… we use these words so regularly; but, I would say, so loosely, too. These words assume a spiritual dimension only when we express them from the depth of our existence… When we meet ‘Life’, and fear no death. Life of Jane Kristen Marczewski, who wrote songs and sang them under her professional name ‘Nightbirde’, testified to what I have just said in the preceding para. On February 19,2022, at the age of 31, Jane lost her battle with breast cancer. From the time she was first diagnosed with cancer in 2017, Jane was declared ‘Cancer-free’ twice. But, the disease returned to haunt her, again and again. During this painful period, Jane had to undergo enormous amount of, both, ...

  “My father did not tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it.” Clarence Budington Kelland   M y wife casually remarked, last night, “This Sunday will be Father’s Day.” Frankly, till I heard it from her, I wasn’t aware of it at all. But, instantly, I decided, that I would write something about ‘being a father’ in my Blog today. So, here I am doing it… Thanks to my wife’s reminder, I, also, learnt, that this day called ‘Father’s Day’ was traditionally celebrated in America on the third Sunday of June. Well, it’s nothing short of a revelation to me… ‘Jab jaago tab sabera’! And, when I say ‘America’, I am able to recall what Barack Obama - my favourite former President of this nation - wrote in his second book:   “Someone once said, that every man tries to live up to his father’s expectations, or make up for his father’s mistakes.” I am asking this to myself on the eve of Father’s Day: Have I been trying to live up to my father’s expectatio...