SEARCHING FOR OUR LOST SELF-CONFIDENCE?

 

“Don’t be satisfied with stories,

how things have gone with others.

Unfold your own myth.”

Rumi

 

In one of our summer sessions on Personality Development, I asked our young participants to come up on stage and speak extempore on this topic: ‘Five (at least three) ways in which I can build my self-confidence other than public speaking’…

The outcome was really interesting. Many of them had joined the programme hoping to build their self-confidence through public speaking. In other words, their idea of a self-confident individual was limited to a confident public speaker… So, to think of five (or at least three) other ways of building his/her self-confidence, other than public speaking, meant - ‘What else?’

And, yes, there were many others who came up and share their views… By taking more and more responsibility towards self… By making a promise and keeping it… by giving a commitment and honouring it… by being punctual… by being less reactive and feeling less helpless about situations in life… by doing the daily household chores… by doing one’s bed… etc., etc., etc.

I have shared the image of ‘Three legs of  the Stool of Self-confidence’ hundreds of times in my Blogs and in several of our books. This image of the stool – or, call it tripod – of self-confidence was first brought to my notice in a small book by the title ‘Changes’. I had found that used book from a footpath book-vendor in South Bombay. It was about forty years ago, when I myself was searching for the ways to build my own self-confidence. The book was written by a Christiaan community leader for teenagers, and it had carries articles by a dozen successful people of that time. Interestingly, I don’t remember the name of the author, nor I am able to trace it through any search engine. But, the image stayed so vividly, that I have used it not only to help myself, but to also to help thousands of young ones ever since…

What our young ones were sharing, essentially, belonged to the first leg of this stool: Take responsibility. The other legs can stan solidly, if this central leg stays firmly.

The second leg is the obvious leg: Feel worthwhile… Know your talents, know your skills, know your strengths and, most importantly, know your weaknesses. Imagine the person, who is not aware of what lies within him… his true potential and what can hold him/bring him down!

The third leg is: Feel appreciated. Well it’s easy to realize how important for us to receive appreciation and encouragement from others. It’s also easy to realize how criticism, discouragement and lack of appreciation can cause a crack in our self-confidence mirror. But, then, it’s not easy to do this: Not to do the same for others.

We simply can’t do anything to stop others from criticizing, discouraging and not appreciation us. But, we can, certainly, stop ourselves from doing it to others. So, show enough appreciation, encourage others… share knowledge and empower others… Give more to receive more. I tell the young ones the story of two seas of Palestine in Bruce Barton’s poem – ‘There are Two Seas in Palestine’…

How River Jordon flows in two directions and joins two different seas…

One is the Sea of Galilee… This sea is a generous and trusting sea… Every drop of water received from the river Jordon, this sea passes own… Because it passes on the water, it constantly flows… The water is fresh, fish lives in it… People drink this water… the boatmen sing along, the birds sing above… There are townships along the sea and trade is happening there… People are prosperous.

The other sea is an insecure and skeptical one… It doesn’t trust anyone… Every drop of water received from the river Jordon, it keeps it self… Because it doesn’t share, there is stagnation… People cannot drink its water… No fish lives there, no birds fly over it… No boatmen, no townships, no trade… No one travels that route unless on an urgent business… And, this sea is called ‘The Dead Sea’…

The poem ends with these powerful lines:

“There are two seas in Palestine;

There are two kinds of people in this world.”

Surprisingly, no one in our session had mentioned about this way of building up his/her self-confidence…

By being the sea of Galilee – by giving, sharing, empowering, encouraging, appreciation, complimenting and – most importantly – thanking…

Most of us are busy searching for our lost self-confidence at a wrong place, the way the man in this Mullah Nasruddin story was searching for his lost gold coin…

 

THE LOST GOLD COIN

One night, Mullah was in another village. He saw a man frantically searching for something under the street lamp.

“What are you searching for, my friend?” Mullah asked the stranger.

“A gold coin,” replied the stranger. 

Mullah joined the stranger in searching for the gold coin. After searching, without any success, for almost an hour, Mullah asked the stranger, “Do you remember, where you lost your coin?”

“Over there,” the stranger pointed across the street.

“Fool, then, why the hell are we searching for it here?” Mullah yelled.

“Because, my wise friend,” the stranger looked at Mullah and reasoned, “there is no light over there!” 

Mullah had met his equal!

GERALD D’CUNHA

Pic's.: pixabay

Video: Simon Sinek