RICH DAD, POOR DAD

 

“My father did not tell me how to live;

he lived, and let me watch him do it.”

Clarence Budington Kelland

 

My wife casually remarked, last night, “This Sunday will be Father’s Day.” Frankly, till I heard it from her, I wasn’t aware of it at all. But, instantly, I decided, that I would write something about ‘being a father’ in my Blog today. So, here I am doing it…

Thanks to my wife’s reminder, I, also, learnt, that this day called ‘Father’s Day’ was traditionally celebrated in America on the third Sunday of June. Well, it’s nothing short of a revelation to me… ‘Jab jaago tab sabera’!

And, when I say ‘America’, I am able to recall what Barack Obama - my favourite former President of this nation - wrote in his second book: 

“Someone once said, that every man tries to live up to his father’s expectations, or make up for his father’s mistakes.”

I am asking this to myself on the eve of Father’s Day:

Have I been trying to live up to my father’s expectations?

Or, have I been trying to make up for his mistakes?

My father was extremely loving dad. He did to me and my four brothers whatever he could in his capacity and wisdom. But, being just a mechanic, and inflicted with his alcoholism, he was unable to bring home enough money to raise us up… Mom had a heart=wrenching task making two ends meet. Dad, with his meager money, drank like a fish (the country liquor) and smoked (beedies) like a chimney. He died at 56 when I had just landed in Mumbai in search of my own place under the Sun…

I remember my teenage years. Dad’s uncontrollable drinking (He was never violent) would make me feel extremely embarrassed. I used to hate the sight of strangers literally carrying him home when they would find him lying on the roadside… This had affected my self-confidence very badly… Fear, anxiety, shame – these had come in me slowly and steadily to shape my nervous and anxious persona…

Did such a father bear in his heart expectations from his sons? I think, he, certainly, did… He wanted his sons to do well in life, and, accordingly, named them after the American Presidents – Franklin, Gerald, Herold, Ronald. His last son was born on the day the amazing Vivekananda Memorial was inaugurated in Kanyakumari. So, Dad named my last brother ‘Vivek’…

Perhaps, my Dad did not know, that when he was naming his last son ‘Vivek’, he was reminding all his sons to use their own ‘Vivek’ – the wisdom… to watch him live and decide how to live – or how not to live.

I watched my Dad live and picked up his great gifts - his raw talent for singing his heart out… his love and commitment to our Mom… his faith in his sons. More importantly, I watched him live the way he did with his massive flaws – and chose not to drink and smoke… not to squander God-given talents… and, precious of all, I learnt to rebuild my battered self-confidence… and, make it my life-mission to help others to do the same.

Yes, Barack Obama was right when he wrote in his book what he had heard from a wise man: “Every man is trying to live up to his father’s expectations, or make up for his father’s mistakes.”

Today, on the eve of Father’s Day, I can vouch for it and say: Yes, every man tries to do it… I am still trying to do it. I am sure, my son must be trying to do it,  too…

A Happy Father’s Day in advance...

 

GERALD D’CUNHA

Pic.: pixabay

Video: Allan Jay Tomol