HOW CAN I BE SELF-CONFIDENT?

“How can I be self-confident?”

This was my question as a young-man.

And, that is still my question, even now, when I am in my mid-fifties!

Like thirst of my body, which keeps recurring and makes me fulfill it, the thirst of my mind and heart – the need to be self-confident – keeps recurring and seeks fulfillment.

There isn’t any soul on this planet who is free from this thirst… There isn’t any time in life, when he doesn’t feel this deep thirst.

From coming Monday onwards, I shall be conducting series of sessions to some college-students to help them build their self-confidence. So, the question comes to my mind: “What will I tell them?”

The first thing I am going to tell them is this: We all are already self-confident in many  areas of our lives. Like, in my case, I am very confident when it comes to helping students in their Accountancy subjects. But, even there, I am confident only in those chapters which I am familiar with, which I have been repeatedly teaching over the years. But, if someone comes to me with Accountancy chapters which I am not familiar with, then? Yes, I would feel the jitters within. I have to tell him the truth, that, I do not know those chapters… or, I need time to master them and get back to him. Likewise, I am familiar with issues relating to self-growth and I can deal with the young-ones with ease. But, I am not comfortable to do the same in several other circles… which, some of my friends and colleagues are so comfortable with.

Driving, swimming, technical work, singing, dancing, stage-acting… these are some commonplace areas I have problems with. You may ask me: “What, you are scared of driving and swimming? You are scared of changing a tube light or shaking your legs in public?”

My answer is: “Yes, I am!”

Exactly the way you are scared of speaking in public… Or making a cup of tea on your gas… Or, of your medical examinations… Or about the future of your growing-up children and sick parents…

I am not nervous when it comes to writing letters or essays… You may be.

I am scared to death by the thought of being on a roller coaster… For you, it may be a child’s play.

So, what am I going to tell the young-ones?

That, I am a ‘perfectly self-confident’ soul, sent specially by God, to teach them how to become like me – that is, ‘perfectly self-confident’?

Or, am I going to tell them, that, like all of them, I too struggle with my own ghosts…that, self-confidence is, always, area-specific. This means, we all are confident in some areas of our lives, and lack it in some others.

Will I tell them, that, the more we focus on the areas where we are good at, excited about, and less on the ones not so relevant in our lives, it is going to help us?

Perhaps, if I had a great desire to become a movie actor, it was impossible to dream my dream unless I spent my time and energy in improving my acting, dancing, singing,  dialogue-delivery, horse-riding or fighting  skills. But, my great desire was to be a fine teacher and a mentor for young-ones. So, my energies naturally began to flow to the direction of my heart’s yearnings.

That would be that!          

I would urge the young-ones to discover their heart’s yearnings: What is that they want to pursue in life? Then, to find out what is needed to be done: If it is learning the computer skills or debating skills… to go ahead and learn them with all their hearts. If it is acting skills or mending broken-hearts, to go head and learn them with all the passion in the world…

Self-confidence comes naturally to us when we know where we are headed… and, how important and dear our dreams are for us.

One the other hand, when we realize, that, in life, there will, always, be some areas where we will be ‘weak’ and it is not necessary to worry about them… there will be peace in our hearts…

“Mind you, my young friends,” I will conclude the thirsty hearts, “that will be the greatest self-confidence!”

GERALD D’CUNHA

Pic.:Abhishek Iyer