WHEN THE SHADOW OF SHAME AND GUILT GOES



 

There is a lesson I am still limping hard to learn: Not to be so adamant to correct some one, when he has just committed his mistake.


As a teacher, the urge to correct someone comes instinctively to me… I get into the preaching mold automatically and try to bring to the attention of the concerned student his mistake – whatever be it – when, perhaps, he is dying to hide himself…


Yes, I am, now, speaking about such a phenomenon, in retrospect.


My earliest memories in school and at home, on committing my mistakes, are still fresh in my mind: I was ashamed and guilty every time I committed my own ‘little’ mistakes. And, I literally died in my heart to hide those mistakes from the public glare… I prayed that my teachers and parents did not make a mention about my mistakes when I was still under the shadow of shame and guilt… When I was scared, worried and defensive.


But, then, my teachers and parents did exactly what I am doing today! Perhaps, I might be doing it to a lesser proportion… but, I do. Yes, they wanted to bring to my notice my mistakes right when I had committed them; they would attack me right away with words I would dread to hear at that time… and, they would, even, punish me when I really, really longed inside to repent and amend.


Authority brings out the authoritarian in us…


Authority, also, brings out the humanitarian in us…


True. If it was not, I would not have written about it, today.


What I did not want my own parents and teachers to do to me when I fell in their eyes, I blissfully forget when my own son or students fall in my eyes. Subconsciously, I had seen those instinctive reactions of my parents and teachers and allowed them to be scripted on the deeper layers of my mind… So, when I become like them – an authority – I live their script!


“I blissfully forget,” I said…

 


So, fortunately, the conscious mind 

 has the capacity to remember, too… 

 


It reminds me, “Dear, this is not the time to correct him… No, don’t preach him now – he is closed; don’t punish him now – you would leave him scarred. Just wait… Just be patient and trusting… You will find an apt time… Your wish will be fulfilled… Just be by his side when he needs you the most.”


Ideal?


Sorry, practical.


When you have been on both sides of the fence, you know what it is, and how it is…


Only then do they call you an ‘authority’!


 


GERALD D’CUNHA


Pic.: Swati Gangurde


 


 

Comments

Tushar Jain said…
Perfect post, very practical. Thanks Gerry.
--- Tushar
Anonymous said…
Thanks for one more post on inspirational life! Ratan
Nasir Shaikh said…
Agree fully. Nasir
Priya Maru said…
And we keep doing the same mistake which even our forefathers commited. Good one.
= Priya
Anonymous said…
Very apt for all of us. Keep writing and keep inspiring...... Rishi

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