HONEY, IT HAD TO BE ME....

In my last Post, I had written about gratitude: why it is the best form of prayer. I had used the famous old-quote:

“I complained that I had no shoes… until I saw a man who had no feet!”

I wrote, yesterday, that I had first come across this quote when I was about 16.

There are so many people around us with problems far worse than ours… and, unless we see this reality and feel how fortunate and blessed we really are… yes, until then, we will continue with our grumblings….

It is impossible to feel blessed when our hearts are filled with complaints!

Yes, that was the message of my last Post.

Then, in the evening, three of my old students – I had taught them some twenty years ago – had come to see me, all from the blue. I was so happy to see *Sanita, Vishaka and Prerna after all these years. They were thick friends right from their school days… and, they have remained to be so even now. Yesterday was their school re-union. So, after their sumptuous re-union lunch, they had come to see me.

It was a casual meeting. They were here for about twenty minutes. In those twenty minutes, I was able to see how each one of us learned in life to find peace in our own ways.

Sanita was the first one to get married. Her husband was a NRI and for some years, they all lived happily abroad. But the circumstances and their two sons’ education brought Sanita and her sons back to Mumbai while her husband, who was a workaholic, chose to stay back. Ever since they took this decision, Sanita has been managing the house front alone here, while her husband has been working hard, there abroad, to give them a good lifestyle.

That doesn't sound something unusual. Yes, there are so many around us living their lives like that. What makes the story worth reading, here, is the way young couples, like Sanita, who resist and suffer initially this kind of marital distance, learn to accept the reality and, eventually, put an end to their silent suffering. Last evening, Sanita described to me as to how she, gradually, stopped fighting a futile battle… How she chose to see the brighter side of her life and found, eventually, peace within her and her family.

Vishaka, too, got married to a businessman husband. They were blessed with their only son, Aakash, who is going to be ten, soon. Aakash was born as a 'special child' - 'differently-abled'.

Vishaka was a post graduate, who was, always, good in studies. Besides, she was an extremely confident and out-going person. Before her son , Aakash, was born, she was working. When he came into her life, with all his physical and mental challenges, her and her husband's  reactions were, surprisingly, not the familiar - “Why me?” Though it derailed her life… her personal and professional ambition, she didn't pass through the familiar  gambit of negative experiences that came with one’s resistance to reality. Right from the start, she and her husband found in them enough strength and tolerance to accept their challenge willingly and gladly. It helped her make some important choices: To pursue her career plans or to devote time, attention and care to Aakash? To go for another child or to raise this one with all her love and commitment? And, finally, to ruin her life with self-pity or to get hold of it and celebrate?

Last evening, Vishaka told me, that, at one point of her initial experience, one of her close friends had, gently, convinced her, that it had to be ‘she’. “Vishaka, Aakash had to come into your life;” the friend had lovingly pointed to Vishaka, “To raise him with love and care, it had to be only you.”

“A silence fell on my heart when I ‘chose’ to be my son’s darling mother,” Vishaka told yesterday. She added, “Why not me ? – I ask today. Yes, it had to be me!”

Prerna is still single. She was the eldest of four sisters, who grew up in a hand-to-mouth family. The responsibility of educating and getting her sisters married had fallen on Prerna’a slender shoulders. Thus, she consciously chose to focus on the mission the destiny had placed upon her… and, consequently, she was destined to be single and happy…

“Sir, I am single and happy,” Prerna giggled and told me. The story that hid behind her giggle had to be narrated to me by her two friends, last evening.

“No regrets at all, sir,” Prerna declared before me,

 “I am happy and proud.”

Well, a casual encounter, with three of my dear old-students, had left me with a lesson, which, I - their teacher - was destined to learn, last evening…

Yes, it had to be ‘Me’!

* All names have been changed

GERALD D’CUNHA

Pic.: Aruna Anand