WHEN YOUR CHILD'S GOLD CARD DOESN'T COME HOME...

Pic.: Vincent D'Souza

Three years ago, I was teaching an eleventh-standard girl. She was the only child of her parents. The mother had a huge influence on this young-girl when it came to studies. Fortunately – or, unfortunately - the daughter never resisted, and tried to please her mother by working exceptionally hard in order to stand first or second in the class… But, wanting to be first or second in the class, right from your nursery to college, is a high stress to bear. When the young-one was with me, I had advised both, the mother and the daughter, against such a neurotic approach towards studies, and life at large…

Well, my interaction had ended after that one year.

Today morning, I happened to meet this young-girl’s father. When I enquired about her, he told me that she went about pursuing her CA studies along with graduation. But, she couldn’t succeed in IPCC (Inter-CA) exams. I learnt from the father that the young-girl was unable to accept the fact that she had ‘failed’… as she had been a topper all along. The shock and denial had led her to a depression… so much, that the girl was, now, floundering in her regular B’Com studies, as well!

“I had told my wife, so many times, that as parents, we need to prepare our children to accept failure in life,” the father told me, quite disturbed, “but, my view was, always, over-ruled.”

There it is!

Can your child win a ‘Gold Card’, always? For parents, it is really a nice feeling, when their children come home with a Gold Card in hand… But, then, expecting children to repeat their feat, again and again, every year… right from nursery to college… is nothing short of destroying their innocent childhood!

Even though, we know that, as kids, we did not like to live with that kind of burden, and even though we know, very well, that all successful people in life weren't ‘Gold-card winners’, leave alone winning it all through nursery to college… yes, despite knowing this truth, many of us still place such a cruel burden on our children!

I believe, we should inculcate in our kids the value of a healthy competition…  We should encourage them to strive for excellence… try to win, be meritorious. But, along with such a value and encouragement, we should, also, teach them, early in life, that it is not possible for any of us to be on top, always… that, sometimes, we may - and, we do - fail… and that, too, is part of the big picture called ‘success’ in life’!

So, what good a First Rank and a Gold Card can serve to our children, if they haven’t learnt in life, the basic lesson, that accepting and growing through our failures is also success?

GERALD D’CUNHA