WITH OUR CLARITY COMES OUR SELF-CONFIDENCE

 “One ship drives east and other drives west 

by the same winds that blow.

It's the set of the sails and not the gales 

that determines the way they go.”

- Ella Wheeler Wilcox

Pic.: Sherry Haridas

Imagine, when you wake up in the morning, you have no idea about what you have to do through the day... Imagine, this happens every day... You have no plan for the day... for the week... for the month... for the year... for your life!

Last night, another young-man - whose twelfth-standard exams will be over in a few days - was confessing with me that his self-confidence has been very low, lately. He told me that it wasn't so for him, some two years ago, when he had chosen to do science after passing his tenth-standard exams. He wanted to become a doctor. But, as college life started, he found himself getting drifted from his original goal. The boy wasn't prepared for the kind of grueling work-discipline his dream demanded... He wanted to enjoy his college life, the company of his friends... and, above all, he hated too much of competition... the rat race. Suddenly, the pressures began to mount from all sides – parents, classes, college, friends and well-wishers... In the process, the confusion only mounted... and, just before the Board exams, it was feared that he might not give his exams! Somehow, he was persuaded to write his exams, for the better or for the worse... So, now that only one paper is left!

Last night, he was talking to me over the phone. “Sir, my main worry is my loss of self-confidence,” the young-man told me, very sincerely, “I don’t like it this way.”

The boy remembered feeling extremely confident when he had a goal for his life – to become a doctor. When that goal left him, he had been plagued with confusion. Today, when you ask him, “What you want to do after twelfth?” he replies, “I don’t know.”

From this, it is evident, that the only way our young-man can feel confident about life is by being clear about what he wants to do in life...

“How can I find that out, sir?” the young-man was serious, when he asked me, last night.

“To start with, be kind to your own self, dear,” I counseled. I added, “Spend a lot of time in a quiet place... Go within you... Get in touch with things that make you extremely happy... things you don’t mind doing without caring for money and time, things you would happily do without being told, supervised and coaxed... Get in touch with your talents, skills, strengths... Learn to bring the trust within you... Learn to trust in the kindness of God... You will get the clue, the clarity, only by going within you... in silence.”

I had reminded the young-man to stay away from all sorts of negative influences – particularly from those friends who were goal-less. I urged him to read inspirational material... the success stories of achievers.

And, yes, I had, also, asked our young-man not to wait in order to feel self-confident... The process to retreat into a quiet place had to start, right there, and right away...

“Yes sir!” was the answer.

As we go about our daily lives, a hundred things may help us feel self-confident. But, the surest one is: Being clear about what we want to do in life. With that clarity alone, we all will do a great service to our own well-being. Believe me, we cannot enjoy our life-journeys when we are clueless about our destinations...

Yes, in life, enjoying our journeys is self-confidence... It is our happiness, too. The poet E.E. Cummings had said it, so beautifully:

“Trust your heart if the seas catch fire,

live by love though the stars walk backward.”

My young-friend, whose life is it, anyway? Whose happiness? Whose self-confidence?

GERALD D’CUNHA