THE PASSOVERS... LIFE NEEDS THEM
Pic.: Jennifer Rebello
Every
time I call my mom (who lives in my hometown, Mangalore) to wish her a happy New
Year, she doesn’t forget to remind me – and all her five sons – of our dad. She
does it before the call ends. So, yesterday, she did it, again… “Son, it will
be thirty-two years tomorrow,” she said gently, “since dad passed away.”
Thirty-two years ago,
the New-Year had come on a Saturday. My dad, who loved life to the hilt, had a
great time through the Christmas week which had continued till 1st.
So, on the 2nd Jan, Sunday, morning, he had dressed up to go for the
mass. Then, he asked my mom to proceed saying he was feeling very uneasy. He stayed
back. When my mom returned from the church, she found dad on the same sofa, in
the same position… He had died of a massive heart attack!
Honestly, despite my
mom reminding me on every New-year day of our dad’s death on 2nd
Jan, I simply forget about it… Now, I know that I loved and revered my dad a
lot… Then, how come my mom has to remind me of this every time?
I take heart in the
fact that my mom doesn’t talk about our dad’s death to make us, her sons, feel
guilty or sad. She doesn’t expect us to remember the date… It is just that she
cannot forget about it… It is just that she has to speak about it… It is just
that it is very, very important for her, that she should keep dad in mind… and,
perhaps – I said perhaps – it is very, very important for her that she should
remind her sons about it…
Yes, our mom doesn’t
expect us to remember 2nd Jan…
But, we are expected
to!
A while ago, my younger
brother, Rony, who lives in Kuwait, had called to wish me a happy New-year. When
I pointed to him about this tradition of mom, he light-heartedly said, “That’s
our mom’s Passover… It is her way of telling us: ‘Sons, remember this day’!
Yes, she will not tell
us this… But, we are expected to remember!
In
my first batch, this morning, I casually asked some of my students if they had
burnt the old man on the New-year eve…
They looked at me
sounding clueless!
It did not take even a
second for me to realize that nobody burns an old-man these days. So, I had to
tell them something about this tradition… and, I did it the way I had
understood it (not when I was their age… but, much later)…
The old-man symbolized
our old self… our past… particularly the past filled with sorrow, regrets,
anger, revenge, self-pity, jealousy, insecurity, despair, hopelessness and all
such negativity… We were expected to literally cast all our negativity into the
old-man’s effigy and set him on fire… That was the death of our old self… our
negative past… There, it went in smoke!
For the new to come, the
old has to go. How else, can it be a New Year?
Does my mom hold back
to her past by remembering my dad on every 2nd Jan, even after thirty-two
years?
No, I don’t think so.
Remembrance – the Passover
– is spiritual in nature… It only makes one strong… and a more compassionate
soul.
The Passovers!
Life needs them!
GERALD D’CUNHA
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