WHAT A DAY TO GO, SIR!

“Thank you Sir for sharing with us your inspiring journey… a journey from being worthless to worthwhile.” This’s what the lady lecturer said in her vote of thanks. It was a week ago, and I had just concluded a session for the BMS students on ‘Self-confidence and Communication Skills’. It was a reputed college in Mumbai.

I suffered from a chronic inferiority complex when I was a High School and a Junior College boy. I was so self-conscious about myself and so anxious about my future, that I had slowly stopped facing public… “Everybody is watching me”… “Everybody is judging me, analyzing me, rating me”… This was how I imagined and tortured myself. People would not accept me with my limitations and flaws… I had nothing worthwhile within me… I was good in nothing… Looks were ugly… Family was poor… English was pathetic… No sports, no singing and dancing, no good in studies… And, you could add a dozen more ‘No-goods’ to this irrational and fictitious list!

How on earth would one feel good – confident – when one’s inner dialogue is on the above lines? Today, when I tell someone, that such was my situation when I was a young boy, back home in Mangalore, many of them don’t believe it!

My life had begun to change in my F.Y. B.Com, when Prof. B.S. Raman had come to our class to teach Financial Accounts and Commercial Geography. It was a massive classroom, with more than hundred students – all boys! I sat in one corner and began to admire this man. The class was packed to the brim… None dared to miss a lecture or walk in late. The Principal never ever interfered in this teacher’s way of functioning… That was a pact. This teacher had his own rules and his own mission and passion.

When he taught, the dumbest understood… I was one of them.

When he taught, he inspired us to go beyond the books.

When he taught, he ignited fire in the underdog bellies…

I was an underdog… The Ekalavya. I suddenly woke up to my talent – of teaching. I dreamt of becoming like Prof. Raman – a fine teacher. I, also, dreamt of becoming like him – a fine writer (He wrote more than a dozen books on every conceivable subject in the field of Commerce). He was such a simple soul – a white ‘bush shirt’ (Half-sleeved), a black trouser and Bata sandals. During the intervals, he would not go back to the staff room to rest … He would wait outside the next class-room, till the bell rang… He would provide us with loads of cyclostyled notes… just free of cost… He never skipped a lecture, come hail or tsunami… The big-pops’ sons and the spoilt brats bullied other lecturers and made their lives miserable… while, when it came to Prof. Raman, they tucked their tails inside and behaved like good  ‘boys’…

I was dreaming to become like Prof. Raman – simple yet strong.

And, the miracle had begun to unfurl… Back then, I had never heard of the now famous Law – ‘The Law of Attraction’… which says, “Whatever we deeply admire, we attract.”  I had never heard of the story of Ekalayva… But, that’s what was happening inside me: I had made an ‘idol’ of my Dhronacharya and, by watching him quietly from a distance… by admiring him, idolizing and worshiping him, I had started believing in my dream… It was blazing… It was irresistible, and I was unstoppable… The desire to become a good teacher and a writer like him was so strong, that my two major handicaps – poor English and stage-fear – proved to be my greatest blessings in life… I had to find my own way to overcome them… In the process, I not only developed the teaching and writing skills – I, also, developed the ‘expertise’ in the art and science of developing self-confidence and communication skills. My weakest points had become my strongest, now…

I couldn’t wait more… I began to teach my classmates and neighbourhood friends right from my F.Y. B.Com days… When they said, “Gerry you teach well”, I felt I was on top of the world… Yes, I was dying to hear that – someone validating me… telling me I was good, worthwhile!

I never looked back since then. The feeling of being worthwhile is the central pillar of one’s self-confidence… Yes, here, it had come to stand, like a rock!

I still cannot understand one mystery though: Why hadn’t I spoken to Raman Sir, one-on-one, all through the three years he taught us? Why hadn’t I told him, during one of those days, how much he was influencing and inspiring me? He was not the one to take praises to his head… He would simply brush them aside; rather, he was too shy to acknowledge them in public and be in limelight. I remember sending him a dozen issues of The Dawn Club motivational magazine, which I had published and a couple of inspirational books which I had written, later, here in Mumbai. I had sent them along with a beautiful letter telling him how much difference he had made to my life. I had no reason to believe that he would remember me, as I was a ‘Mr. Nobody-from-nowhere’ in those days’. As expected, I did not hear a word from Sir, even though my heart knew he had received them…

Raman Sir shied away from all kinds of praise, glorification and limelight.

Some five years ago, one morning, my classmate and best friend, Joe, called up. The day before that, he happened to meet Prof. Raman and learnt from him that Sir’s family would be permanently shifting to Ooty, their native place, after nearly fifty years of active working life in Mangalore. He had spent all his teaching life in our proud Alma mater – St. Aloysius College. Joe knew how much I adored my Sir. So, he coaxed me to come down to Mangalore just to meet Sir and tell him how much he meant to me. He arranged for our meeting in Sir’s house. When Joe and I landed in Sir’s house, it felt like a long-awaited pilgrimage to me… He had become very frail… Decades of intense teaching and writing (over a dozen text books) had taken their toll on his health… but not on his unassuming persona. During our meeting, he did recall about receiving a letter and some magazines and books from ‘an old student of his who lived in Mumbai’… “Sir, this one is that ‘old student’ who wrote the letter to you,” Joe, my friend, playfully said to our Sir, pointing to his friend. 

Over the years, I had spoken about Sir in every batch in my classroom, year after year. I had spoken about him in my every training session. And, I had blogged about him so many times. I wanted to read one of those blog posts to Sir and his family… It was titled ‘Just a Touch of That Shadow'. Sir, his elderly wife, two young grandchildren and Joe, my friend, stood behind me while I read out the blog on their computer screen… When I had done, I cried like a child, and bent down to touch Sir’s feet… A huge burden had fallen off my head… I wanted to tell Sir, how much difference he had done to my life, to my self-worth and self-confidence…

That was the first and the last time I had met Prof. B.S. Raman – one-on-one… even though he had unleashed a revolution in my soul…

In the timeless English movie, ‘Ben-Hur’… Judah Ben-Hur is a fictional contemporary of Jesus Christ. He is an incredibly strong man, never believes in Gods and Godmen… It is a time when leprosy is considered to be a curse and those who are caught with this disease are banished into deserted places as untouchables… If they come inside the cities and villages, they are stoned and shooed away. Ben-Hur is the story of Judah Ben-Hur’s transformation from arrogance to grace… It is the story of his search for lost mother and sister… When he finds them, he finds them as lepers, unable to go near them… The strong man is heart-broken and brought to his knees by this horrible reality… When the mother and sister learn that Jesus is expected to pass by the village, they somehow disguise themselves and wait along the passage… Judah, a non-believer, now on his knees, is there, too, waiting… As Jesus passes by, just a shadow is shown falling on each one of them…

The shadow passes… They are all healed for ever… Two of them from leprosy of the body, one of them from the leprosy of soul, the arrogance…

And, here is this Judah, with another kind of leprosy… the disease called ‘worthlessness’… until the shadow falls on him… Yes, just the touch of that shadow!

Prof. B.S. Raman, my idol, my Guru – my Dhronacharya – passed away yesterday in Ooty. It was Guru Purnima…

What a day to go, Sir…

What a life… What a legacy!

GERLAD D’CUNHA

Pic.: Daijiworld.com

Video: Bette Midler