Saturday, January 21, 2012

THE SCHOOL OF LOVE





I seriously feel, this world would have been a much, much  better place to live in… and, our hearts would have been much lighter and our lives would have been so much happier – Yes, had we all assumed in our minds less.


Most of our assumptions are baseless… and, they are the root cause of our worry and, thereby, our sorrow and unhappiness.


My young son lives in a hostel in Pune where he studies Animation. Last evening, I had a very strong urge in my heart to talk to him and I called him up on his cell. It was ringing… but, he was not picking up. “This is not college hours, he can pick up… He should,” I reasoned in my mind. I tried a couple of times without any success. Finally, I sent a message enquiring about him and expressing my love… My strong urge to say “Hi’ to him… and how I missed him.


But, till this morning, he did not get back to me!


The strong urge to say “I love you, son… I miss you,” by now, had turned into a strong bitterness, a pain… and I was angry.


“He can’t be so callous and insensitive to me,” I grumbled in my mind, “I am his father.”


When you love, you are vulnerable. I have no doubt about it. If I miss my son and if I strongly yearn to tell him that, I think that is true love. I did that, last evening. 


But, then, my son did not validate my feelings… He did not pick up my incessant calls nor did he respond to my message. So, I am hurt. Bitter. Angry. I have the right for my feelings… I have the right to tell him so. “That’s also love,” I argued.


Therefore, this morning, just around 10.30, I called him up, again. It was ringing and ringing… and, my mind was boiling up. “This is the limit, son. Better don’t do it to me, again,” my wounded mind warned. “He knows it is me… and, does it on purpose.”


“Hello dad,” the voice on the other end sounded dead-sleepy, “Sorry, I was fast asleep,” my son had finally picked-up the phone!


Today is a Saturday, and it is a day off to them, normally. They get up late on Saturdays, skip their breakfast and, sometimes, even their lunch. But, they catch-up with their sleep!


Why do they do that?


Because, their studies demand them to be night-hawks. They have projects with deadlines… regular submissions and presentations. Grading is strict. Attendance is strict. Late-entry to the class would be a snake-and-ladder experience. They sit till late at night – some times the whole night – in their Lab to complete their projects. So, they are on the edge most of the times. Our son has told about this to us many times and I have understood it, well. Still, since last evening, my mind would keep telling me, “No, he does it on purpose.”


This morning, when my son came on the line, I did tell him that I had tried to talk to him last evening, and about my message. “Yes dad, I saw the missed calls and I  also read your message,” he told me gently, “But, I was very tired and sleepy as we had not slept for two nights successively. I thought I would get back to you later…”


Was that love?


Oh yes, it was. It is!


If I had loved my son, really so, I had to trust in his honesty. He did not lie when he said what he had. My arguments - “Still, he could have”… Yes, that is my problem, my human weakness.





And, recognizing that my mind, 
often, assumes –
keeps judging, analyzing 
and scrutinizing others – 
is a part of my growing-up in love.




I have a long, long way to go in this ‘basic school’ where they teach – “How to Love.”



GERALD D’CUNHA

THANKS:
The image used in this Post is by Ashok Ahuja. He is a professional Photographer and a very dear friend of mine. He is also one of the founder members of The Dawn Club, and, along with his gifted-artist wife, Sudha, has been helping me, and the Club, right from its inception.






12 comments:

Simran Ahuja said...

Touching story!

Beautiful way of telling some one - "I love you"... and "I love myself"!

Thank you Gerry.

Simran

Gerald D'Cunha said...

Thanks Simran. Glad, u like this post.

Yes, this is the most beautiful way of 'learning to love'!

Love,

GERRY

Kumar said...

Dear Gerry,
It is about priorities. For you, calling and talking to your son was a priority but for him, completing his assignments and catching up the lost sleep was. Not answering your call or message was not an act of ignoring you but it is like telling "Dad you are always there besides me, I can always talk to you later and I know you would understand".

I have experienced this with my daughter.

Thanks Gerry,

N.Kumar

Gerald D'Cunha said...

Thank u Kumar... You have said is so beautifully!

Yes, is his way of telling, "I love u dad... because, I know u are always there for me!"

Love,

GERRY

Sonal said...

The school of love beautifully arouses our minds with sensitivity...yes love demands that we need to be sensitive towers others but very often we fail to pass our expectation and thus can change this love into anger, frustration which is nothing else but a weapon which eventually destroys relation.....as a parent I believe I always fail here because my love towards children eventually grows in over protecting them ....these soon grow into demand and expectations ...I try to be patient but it becomes difficult when my mind starts ruling my heart

Vikas Prajapati said...

Thank you sir for sharing this lovely post....

But sir

what to do when some people really ignore our calls and sms?

Gerald D'Cunha said...

Hi Sonal, thanks.

You can understand this issue better than most of us...after raising your three lovely daughters over the years.

I hope, I have succeeded in clearing at least a part of your doubt.

Love,

GERRY

Gerald D'Cunha said...

Thanks Vikas...

Glad u liked this post.

I think, not all people ignore our calls and sms's. Some do... but then, the reasons can be different... It hurts, and v become angry too. However, Love can overcome our weakness, including our 'reactions that come from insecurities'.

Love,

GERRY

Vikas Prajapati said...

Good Morning Sir.

Thank you sir

I got my answer today.

Gerald D'Cunha said...

Glad, Vikas.

Love,

Sir

Anonymous said...

Sir its basic human nature being impatient & insecure''
time n again we need assurance from our loved ones...So that relation can grow beautifully.

Regards Soniya.

Gerald D'Cunha said...

Thanks Soniya...for your thoughtful rejoinder... Yes, we do need lots and lots of re-assurances in life, in love.

Love,

Sir