THE SCHOOL OF LOVE

I seriously feel, this world would have been a much, much  better place to live in… and, our hearts would have been much lighter and our lives would have been so much happier – Yes, had we all assumed in our minds less.

Most of our assumptions are baseless… and, they are the root cause of our worry and, thereby, our sorrow and unhappiness.

My young son lives in a hostel in Pune where he studies Animation. Last evening, I had a very strong urge in my heart to talk to him and I called him up on his cell. It was ringing… but, he was not picking up. “This is not college hours, he can pick up… He should,” I reasoned in my mind. I tried a couple of times without any success. Finally, I sent a message enquiring about him and expressing my love… My strong urge to say “Hi’ to him… and how I missed him.

But, till this morning, he did not get back to me!

The strong urge to say “I love you, son… I miss you,” by now, had turned into a strong bitterness, a pain… and I was angry.

“He can’t be so callous and insensitive to me,” I grumbled in my mind, “I am his father.”

When you love, you are vulnerable. I have no doubt about it. If I miss my son and if I strongly yearn to tell him that, I think that is true love. I did that, last evening. 

But, then, my son did not validate my feelings… He did not pick up my incessant calls nor did he respond to my message. So, I am hurt. Bitter. Angry. I have the right for my feelings… I have the right to tell him so. “That’s also love,” I argued.

Therefore, this morning, just around 10.30, I called him up, again. It was ringing and ringing… and, my mind was boiling up. “This is the limit, son. Better don’t do it to me, again,” my wounded mind warned. “He knows it is me… and, does it on purpose.”

“Hello dad,” the voice on the other end sounded dead-sleepy, “Sorry, I was fast asleep,” my son had finally picked-up the phone!

Today is a Saturday, and it is a day off to them, normally. They get up late on Saturdays, skip their breakfast and, sometimes, even their lunch. But, they catch-up with their sleep!

Why do they do that?

Because, their studies demand them to be night-hawks. They have projects with deadlines… regular submissions and presentations. Grading is strict. Attendance is strict. Late-entry to the class would be a snake-and-ladder experience. They sit till late at night – some times the whole night – in their Lab to complete their projects. So, they are on the edge most of the times. Our son has told about this to us many times and I have understood it, well. Still, since last evening, my mind would keep telling me, “No, he does it on purpose.”

This morning, when my son came on the line, I did tell him that I had tried to talk to him last evening, and about my message. “Yes dad, I saw the missed calls and I  also read your message,” he told me gently, “But, I was very tired and sleepy as we had not slept for two nights successively. I thought I would get back to you later…”

Was that love?

Oh yes, it was. It is!

If I had loved my son, really so, I had to trust in his honesty. He did not lie when he said what he had. My arguments - “Still, he could have”… Yes, that is my problem, my human weakness.

And, recognizing that my mind, 

often, assumes –

keeps judging, analyzing 

and scrutinizing others – 

is a part of my growing-up in love.

I have a long, long way to go in this ‘basic school’ where they teach – “How to Love.”

GERALD D’CUNHA

THANKS:
The image used in this Post is by Ashok Ahuja. He is a professional Photographer and a very dear friend of mine. He is also one of the founder members of The Dawn Club, and, along with his gifted-artist wife, Sudha, has been helping me, and the Club, right from its inception.