BOLTI BANDH

The other day, some of us were discussing on the subject of ‘Values’. There were two teenagers and three parents, including myself. I was more of a spectator. 

One of the parents, a lady, was quite aggressively trying to tell the young ones how important ‘Values’ in life were. The particular parent sounded too rigid and pushy… and, the teenagers evidently showed their resistance. 

The other parent, a male, quickly sensed the danger of being so pushy on the young ones. He stepped in to defuse the tension. Without being discourteous to the parent who tried to dominate, this particular parent handled the subject of ‘Values’ in a very compassionate way. He too agreed that some ‘Values’ would always remain universal and timeless. But, he subtly asserted that it was equally important for all of us to change with times, and be flexible. He gently emphasized on the need for parents to understand the young ones and the world they lived in, the pressures they faced, the confusions they had to deal with… and, importantly, on the need to be with them all through their growth… never to be too harsh on them.


The aggressive parent turned more aggressive! 

The  young ones would never ever learn a Value this way. 

I know it, because, I have been a young one, once. 

 How did I pick up some Values in my life? 

Have I ‘valued the values’ some one imposed upon me, aggressively? 

How have the Values I cherish the most – come in me? 

Well, this aggressive parent, too, was a young one, once. And, I am sure, like me, she too must have resisted anything ‘imposed upon her aggressively… 

But, then, 

why was she not able to see 

the same reality here, with these teenagers? 

Why was she pushing? 

When the discussion was heading nowhere, our gentle parent wanted to end it all from his side. “I believe, the best way to teach a Value to another, particularly your own child,” he said with a sagely calmness, “is by being an example!” 

On this, I saw an instant glow on the two young faces… One of them began to clap! 

Surprisingly, the madam had slipped into a deep silence! 

“Dekha,” I over heard the other young man telling the one who had clapped, “uncle ne aunty ki bolti hi bandh kar di!”


This happened on one of those rare days when I find myself almost tongue-tied. Yes, yes, with my own bolti bandh! 

GERALD D’CUNHA 

Pic.:Sandeep Nair