KNOWING MY WEAKNESS IS MY STRENGTH





















Awareness has strength; great strength.


One of my friends has a favorite line: “Being aware that I am not aware is mother of all awareness!”


Read again this line: I am not aware… and I am aware of it. I am aware of my non-awareness… of my non-mindfulness… I am aware that I am lost… and, that is the greatest awareness!!!


What an irony!


All that awareness demands from me is: I should be able to watch me napping when I am not supposed to!


Today, during my training session, I had urged the young-ones to spend a few moments and write down at least two of their major strengths and weaknesses. It was easy. No, it wasn’t. It was both!


Most of us do not pause to get in touch with our major strengths and weaknesses… We take them for granted. The young-ones, today, did write and share with us their strengths and weaknesses. “Being aware of your weakness is your strength, my young-friends,” I was telling them, “How else will you ever overcome them?”


So, I was bang on it, again: Being watchful of my weaknesses is my great strength!


But, what was important, and I wanted them to know it, was this: “Watch it without any judgment… without analyzing, without being critical – with no blame, shame or justification.”


“I am very emotional,” a young-girl shared. “I trust too much,” another one said. “I lose my patience,” “I become jealous when others succeed,” “I feel scared and tensed even with minor challenges,” “I  take other people’s problems on my head,” “I can not say ‘No’ to my parents, “I fear stage,” “I am never on time,”… so on and so forth.



“Fair enough,” I told them, “are you able to see how your weakness keeps you caged, stressed out?”  I added, “If you are, that very awareness is your freedom.”


It is just like this:


When I am jealous of someone’s success, I watch myself with kindness… without feeling ashamed, guilty, angry or provoked… and, there drops my jealousy, my burden… I am free!


The next time, at another place, the feeling may revisit me… and, all that I need to do is the same… 


The same way I need to deal with my anger… My fear, my guilt, my blind trust on others. When I see clearly what they do to me, to my freedom, it is easy for me to get rid of my confinements.


That’s why, whenever I am nervous before an audience, I have to acknowledge – with all my heart, honesty, humility and openness – the reality that I AM NERVOUS… and it is okay. Believe me, that is a huge relief… The heavy stone falls off my head… and, I am ready to speak!


“Is it a sin to be nervous?” I ask every time…“How can you tell me ‘Don’t be nervous’ when the truth is I AM nervous?”


So, let me see the fact that I AM nervous… 

Let me feel it fully… live it fully… 

And, with that, it goes out of the windows 

of my soul!


Some things in life unfold on their own, and beautifully. The flowers in the garden… the Sun, the Moon and the Stars in the sky… the waves of the ocean and the throbbing of my heart…


The awareness in my soul, too…


And, they happen without my choice, my dictates…


They just unfold…


To set me free!


GERALD D’CUNHA


Pic.: Amrita Jeurkar








Comments

Pooja Manik said…
Rightly pointed, sir. One of the major lessons in life, in deed. Thanks.
--- Pooja
April 2, 2013 at 6:48 PM
Haresh Jumani said…
Wonderful post! Haresh
April 2, 2013 at 7:15 PM
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