TILL YOU DO NOT HAVE FAITH IN YOUR OWN WINGS

Pic.: Tandra Chakraborty

Navya and Kunal* have just left my office. Today, I had called them both for a pep. Both had approached me for the same reason: to help them feel confident in life.

Navya is a post graduate in medical studies.  Recently, she was engaged to a young-man, who lives in another city. Her marriage is fixed for mid-December. She is an extremely head-strong girl... very, very articulate... exceptionally clear in her thoughts. If you talk to her for some time, you feel happy... and will never realize that she needs any help – of all the spheres in life – in the sphere of ‘self-confidence’...

But, the fact is: she does need.

Her fiancé is a young-and-ambitious businessman. In recent past, he had met with a big setback in business and, now, has largely put himself back on tracks. He has other responsibilities such as the marriage of his sisters and care of his aged parents. He has to travel extensively; and, by the time he comes home, he is left with his energy drained...

And, that’s the time our Navya – who, by her own admission, is a die-hard romantic – ‘dies’ to talk to her would-be over the phone. But, what happens, invariably every night, is, that their talk ends up with bitter arguments, followed by sulking and brooding over it. Our head-strong girl seems, now, very, very fragile... as though she has no confidence in her at all!

I have had a couple of earlier sittings with Navya... and had pointed to her about her greatest strengths... How good she was, - how clear in her thoughts, how good in studies (She was a rank-holder in her post-graduate studies), how sensitive and helpful she came about... I had pointed to her that she should never walk into her would-be husband’s life with preconceived image of how he should be, how he should reach out to her, how he should walk, talk and behave and respond... That, she should not walk into a marriage expecting to fill a vacuum - an empty space... “It is not going to be two halves making one circle,” I had reminded her, “It is going to be two full circles coming together to create a new space.” I had told her, “Navya, you are, already, complete, already full... Go into his life with fullness of your heart; you will not die of thirst.” Then, as I, always, tell everyone – including myself - I told Navya, too, this: “Don’t fall in love with the ‘image’ of your lover; fall in love with ‘him’.”

Today, when Navya came to me, she had a lot of good stuff to tell me. Before Kunal arrived, she went on telling me how she had begun to let go of the need to ‘control’ and ‘manipulate’ her would-be over the phone... How, the less she ‘demanded’, the more she seemed to be ‘getting’ inside!

Kunal is much younger – doing his first-year engineering in one of the best colleges in the city. He comes from a well-off Marwari family, with affectionate and caring parents. He has two younger siblings and they all make a lovely family. Everything seems to be going right for Kunal... There is money, though he is not interested in it or of a demanding kind. He was, once, good in studies; but, after tenth standard, he had been losing interest in studies. He confesses that he has no idea as to how he got into such a fine engineering college, without bribing, influence or the required marks... “Sir, I have everything, still I am not feeling good inside,” Kunal told me, “Why is my confidence so low?”

“Do you love engineering, Kunal?” I asked him.

“I do not know, sir,” Kunal said sheepishly.

“Do you know what you really want to do in life?” I probed.

“Not really, sir,” Kunal admitted, “I am yet to figure out what I really want to do in life.”

I told Kunal, that, when I was his age, I, too, had passed through a similar experience... Till my F.Y. B’Com - till Prof. B.S.Raman came to teach my class and I started dreaming of becoming a fine teacher like him – yes, till that moment, I, too, was drifting without any direction.

“Kunal, how can we ever expect to remain highly motivated without being propelled by a strong goal in life?” I said, “How can we feel good inside – feel confident?”

“But, sir, how can I find out what I want to do in life?” Kunal was sincere while asking me this question. Many, many, many do ask me the same question: “Sir, how can I find out what I want to do in life?”

Well, I wish I could tell them ‘How’ with a magic wand... I wish there was a ready answer to this question!

The fact is different from the wish. The fact is: there is no magic wand, nor there is any ready answer...

“Kunal, it is a long and slow process of discovery,” I said to Kunal, “It starts from now... right now... from the churning and restlessness you go through... from the down-in-the-dumps feeling of low confidence you go through... Yes, it starts from being quiet and alone, looking within yourself... from trying to get in touch with what excites you, what makes you feel high and happy... finding out the things which you would do without being told, without worrying about money or time... It starts from recognizing your strengths, your gifts, your talents... It starts from trusting in your uniqueness, your own innate powers... It starts from de-linking yourself from all kinds of mental dependency... from the fear of social opinion or criticism...”

“Sir, I need to believe in myself,” Kunal accepted, “I need to believe I can fly.”

“Exactly,” jumped Navya holding before us her cell-phone, “Read this... Someone had sent me this on WhatsApp a few days ago”:

“A bird sitting on a tree

is never afraid of the branch breaking;

because her trust in not on the branch,

but in her own wings...

Always believe in yourself.”

And, I was smiling!

“Till you do not have faith in your own wings,” I concluded, “the ‘branches’ and the ‘cushions’ you cling on to will, always, keep you crippled and caged.”

Why did Navya and Kunal come to me, today?

I am still smiling!

* Names changed

GERALD D’CUNHA