WHO SHOULD HOLD THE KEYS TO OUR INNER PEACE?

Pic.: Vinod Krishnan

One of the hardest lessons – and, in my view, the most priceless one – that we all have to learn early in life is this: How to keep the keys to our inner peace in our own hands!

And, come what may, never, ever to hand them to someone else – no matter who he or she that person is…

And, no matter what the other person has done to us… whether duped us financially, or ditched us emotionally… whatever, it is…

The early we learn to get over the setback, the loss and the related grief, denial, guilt or anger… yes, the early we learn to get hold of ourselves… refuse to be bogged down by the so-called injustice, betrayal or hurt, the better for us…

We have to remind ourselves, again and again: Nobody can take away our peace without our own consent!

As I write this, the images of a couple of dear-ones come before me…

A forty-five-year-old man has been a very hard-working and sincere soul I have known. Recently, one of his business partners had duped him with some seven to eight lakh rupees. It was a ‘huge’ loss for this man, who has now slipped into an acute depression… He is on bed with medication and the world around his family has fallen apart… Literally!

A 20-year-old college-girl has broken off with the person she loved. It is the second time the story is being repeated in her life… “Why is it happening with me?” she keeps asking, even though she knows that, both the times, it was she who had called it off!

The young-girl is feeling guilty, confused and, a lot stressed-out… Understandably so.

Another 20-year-old college girl is tortured by quite a different kind of thought. She has been a topper in the college and always tried to be in the good books of her teachers. One of them, in particular, she had looked up to always. Suddenly, the young-girl feels that the particular teacher has changed his attitude towards her. “He does not show the same concern and care and doesn’t value me anymore,” the young-girl cries.

The fact is that our young-girl is tortured by this thought… She feels low in confidence, and let down…

Rebecca is past 50. She was married to my wife’s cousin. They had two daughters and life was all smooth till her husband had a massive setback in business. Since then, the ship only began to go down for the family… Leaving behind a huge debt, no home of their own, one girl in the middle of her engineering-studies and the other in ninth-standard, wife without any job, one night, the husband died of a heart attack…

Rebecca was shattered!

Within a year, the younger daughter, who was extremely attached to her dad, was diagnosed with cancer… and, the hell broke loose in the life of Rebecca!

Two months ago, I met Rebecca and her elder daughter in one of our family functions. Both looked great… Rebecca had taken up a job with an NGO and the daughter had started working after completing her engineering…

The past seemed very, very distant… There was a lot of laughter and lightness about life…

How did they do it?

I remember the priest telling the inconsolable Rebecca, in his condolence speech, by her husband’s coffin: “You should cry, dear Rebecca; you should feel the grief fully in order to get over it. Death is not the end; it is a new beginning!”

When I heard those words, I found myself struggling for my next breath… And the room was choked with emotions!

Neither death, nor debt, neither loss of love nor loss of fame can rob us of our inner peace unless we allow them to…

The man who has gone into depression, perhaps, had to learn it early… that, there is still a great deal of life ahead, beyond those tanked couple-of-lakhs … I pray, he will recover soon… and life will be great, once again, for him and his family.

I am sure, the young-girl - the two-time-unlucky-in-love - will bounce back, too. For, she has begun to realize, that it was her own decision to get into the relationships, and, it was equally her own decision to get out of them… So, why guilt? Why bitterness? Why pain?... Move on with life… a lot wiser, stronger and kinder.

The other college-girl has been reminded: How important for her is the validation of her teacher? Is it worth ruining her sleep for a cause like that? Whose life is it any way? And, I am sure, she will see the light at the end of the tunnel, soon.

If Rebecca and her daughter could do it, why can’t we all?

After all, it is about our own well-being, our own peace, isn’t it? Then, why should we allow anyone or anything hold the keys to our doors?

Why?

GERLAD D’CUNHA