THE BANDS ON OUR FOREHEADS

Our birth doesn’t make us ‘winners’ or ‘losers’ in life… Our choices do!

When I was in high school, there were four divisions  - 'A' to 'D'. They put the scholars in ‘A’ and the duffers, like me, in ‘D’. One reason why they branded us as duffers was, because, we were the ‘vernaculars'. It was not a nice feeling to claim, that we belonged to the ‘D’ division!

To me, the ‘D’ divisions have remained a metaphor, ever since… It’s the draconian rule that this world still follows… Branding us as ‘winners’ and ‘losers’. Yes, just as harsh as Draco, the famous rule-maker of Athens did!

We really can’t change how people perceive us… Yes, about the localities we reside in, the schools we study in, the kind of houses and cars we own, the clothes we wear, the accent we use and, even the brands of the products we use… right from the sun glasses and shoes to the whiskey we drink…

Yes, the winners and the losers, always, have made this society… The First class and the Second class. Good, there is no ‘Third class’ any more… the ‘cattle class’, I mean!

“A rag-picker’s son will always remain a rag-picker as long as he has the image of the rag-picker." It sounds harsh, and even demeaning, when we hear this old statement. But, think about it… Is it not our own story?

Had I carried in me the self-image of being the son of a mechanic, who drank like a fish and smoked like a chimney, I, too, would have become like my dad. My dad was a loving dad… But, drinking (desi) and smoking (beedi) was his weakness. He was a mechanic because, he did not possess the required qualification. As a young boy, though those things affected my self-confidence, they, also, gave me an amazing opportunity to understand human mind… and made me a compassionate man rather than a bitter man.

My dad had weaknesses as his dad had his own. And my son has weaknesses as I have my own. This is how this world is going to be. Just because, you see abuse in your life, doesn’t make you carry forward the script… If you have been abused, it can, also, give you a solid reason why you shouldn’t do the same…

Compassion, normally, comes from anger and pain… The end of anger and pain is the birth of compassion!

The world treats us according to the bands that we wear on our foreheads… Trust me, we all have our own bands: ‘I am a leader’, ‘I am a responsible guy’, ’I am a cautious guy’, ’I am a fool’, ’I am a joker’ and so on. The surprising thing is, that most of us are not even aware that we go around wearing these bands… Not surprisingly, the world treats us according to what is written on our foreheads!

A healthy self-image is nothing but a healthy self-esteem - how we see ourselves in our mind… as strong or weak, as leaders or followers, as winners or losers. Those of us, who think we are losers, are the ones who have accepted that tag… we have resigned to our ‘fate’. Remember the ‘Baby Elephant Syndrome’?

When an elephant is just a little baby, it’s tied with a small chain to a tree around. Initially, the baby elephant tries hard to break free. After several attempts, it gives up trying. Many years later, the baby grows into a giant creature and now possesses within it the strength to bring down the tree and walk free. But, it still carries in its mind the self-image of the baby elephant and thinks it’s a ‘loser’... So, it's tied to the tree with the same chain!

Yes, our birth doesn’t make us ‘winners’ and ‘losers’… Our choices do. Our society, too, doesn’t make us so… We do. We wear that band on our forehead and go around claiming, “Hey, ‘I am a winner’ or ‘I am a loser’… Please treat me accordingly’”!

Sounds harsh?

Go and watch the movie ‘Chhichhore’. The ‘loser dad’ tells his ‘loser son’, in the end, “Now go inside (the operation theatre) not as a loser, but as a fighter”. Then, even if you ‘lose’, the world – including your bitter opponents – will hail you saying, ‘Well-fought’… ‘Well-played’!

GERALD D’CUNHA

Pic.: www.desimatini.com