SHYNESS STAYS, BEAUTIFULLY!

 

“A butterfly did not touch earth by her eyes;

because she showed

an irresistible fluorescence colour of shyness.”

Petra Hermans

 

Some things about us will, always, remain with us… One of them is our shyness.

I have been saying this, with conviction, for decades. And, at 63, and after helping myself and thousands of shy people like me, over these years, I still say this: Shyness stays!

Before we get into unnecessary arguments, let me state a few facts... about me.

As far as my memory goes back, I have been a shy kid, always. When I became an adolescent, I became more and more self-conscious, and more and more withdrawn. The self-talk, that everybody was watching me, judging me, accepting or rejection me (mostly rejecting), I was not up-to-the mark, I always lacked something and others were always better than me… my looks, speech, dress, family status – everything was inferior compared to the ones around me… etc., etc., etc. Yes, I remember these thoughts crisscrossing through my head all days and all nights long and making me sweat, tremble and paralyzed with anxiety and fear… “What if this happens?” And “What if that happens?”… The mind was a mess!

The fallout was clear: I began to hide myself!

Well, today, when I was concluding the on-going ten-session programme (online) on ‘Self-confidence and Communication Skills’, I was encouraging the young participants to share with us a few things they had learnt during these sessions. 15-year-old Soha had connected ten minutes late… Before she connected, I had asked others to reflect on a couple of things they wished to share as their personal take-aways. I had, also, encouraged them to list them down as pointers, if they wished… 17-year-old Khushi was one of them, who was given time to reflect.

By the time I asked them to start sharing, Soha volunteered to do it first. She wasn’t given any time… “I can share Sir,” she said and put forwards a couple of things she thought were her take-aways. The next one was 17-year-old Suraj… He, too, presented whatever he thought were his benefits… I had kept telling them, not to worry about anything… “Nobody will be judging you… You have the right to express your feelings… There is no right or wrong about your feelings… Speak boldly, clearly and from your heart.”

It’s Khushi’s turn to share. She was blank! “Come on Khushi, whatever you feel like saying, please say freely.”

“Sir, can I speak after two more speakers?” Khushi managed to say, like a frightened cat…

“How could Khushi help herself?” was the open discussion we had for next fifteen minutes…

I have been telling them my own story; I told them, once again, during the last session, today… “You need to push yourself in times like these… Push yourself out of the hiding, to the spotlight… to the centerstage… Nobody can do it for you… You need to constantly keep doing it, till it becomes your habit… You need to constantly challenge your distorted thoughts… Keep reminding yourself: ‘Nobody is judging me… I am free to express my own thoughts… I have the right to express… and, I have a duty to express.”

This is how shyness shies away and confidence shows up… This is what courage means: “Not absence of fear… But, doing the seemingly impossible things despite my fear… with a quaking heart… with a quaking heart!”

There is no other way to overcome shyness… and there is no other way to show courage… We need to go out there and do what we are afraid of… That’s the only way, Khushi!

All this amazing philosophy said and done, preached and practiced, I come back to what I started with:

“Some things about us, always, remain… One of them is our shyness!”

I say this with all my years of experience in this field… I say it with conviction, and, yes, with authority: “Shyness stays!”

But, then, there is a new wisdom within, a new understanding… People like me have learnt to use our shyness to our advantage… Make a lemonade when a lemon is given to us… We have learnt to grow ‘through’ them, make peace with some traits which are refusing to leave us… We have learnt to befriend them, and accepted them as unique features of our personality…

This is the final lesson the Cheetah imparts to his little son while teaching him the art of hunting:

“Son, in the end, nothing will change…

But, everything will!

Your spots will not be replaced by the Tiger’s stripes…

Yes, a Cheetah will remain a Cheetah and a Tiger will remain a Tiger.

All that’s going to happen is:

you will get ‘new eyes’ –

to see, appreciate, value and celebrate your own spots.”

 

GERALD D’CUNHA

Pic’s.: 1. CBS NEWS /Carl Court/Getty Images 2. pixabay

Videos: 1. America's Got Talent 2. Got Talent Global