RANDOM ACTS OF KINDNESS

Many years ago, I was travelling in a business man's car. When we reached near a particular temple, his driver stopped the car. The business man excused himself and went inside the temple to pay respect to the deity, and returned quickly.

"I do this every day on my way to the office," he said, "With out His grace, nothing is possible."

"In deed," I agreed.

We had barely moved some distance, and this business man began to ask his driver about something. As the discussion proceeded, the businessman flared up and started hurling abuses on the driver. Obviously, the driver did not like to be insulted in front of a stranger, and showed some resistance from his end. This further infuriated the boss. I had to get down just a distance ahead. I have no idea what happened after that.

After reaching my destination, I shared this episode with one of my colleagues. "How mechanically we pray! He had just come out of the temple, and the next moment, he was revealing his ugly self. It is hypocrisy," I voiced my disgust. "To me, being kind to your live fellow-man is far more important than folding hands before those lifeless idols."

"No doubt about that," my friend agreed. Then, a brief pause later, he added, "Who knows what he asked God ... It could be the the very virtue we are talking about ... A little self-mastery ... To be able to show a little kindness to his fellowmen. Yes, who knows?"

I immediately stepped down from the judgement throne!

I thought of writing on this subject - 'KINDNESS' - inspired by yesterday's TOI article on one of my ex-student, Vinod Shreedhar. Vinod was always a gentle soul. I was very happy to read in the article, how - through 'random acts of kindness' - he has been able to help this planet. When you think of it, it is the most proactive and potent weapon in every man's possession. Yet, the least recognised, and the most wasted. You can start from the very place you stand, and the very moment that is at your disposal. Yes, what a powerful device to make this globe 'less warm'!

I immediately called up Vinod and said, "Thank you."

My friend Manjeet stays with his elderly parents. As in the case of most elderly people, Manjeet has been on the receiving end of his parent's - particularly his father's - cribbing. And, as in the case of most children, Manjeet and his wife had found it extremely difficult to deal with. Initial reaction used to be: "How unfair!" ... "How ungrateful!"

Well, it took a great deal of introspection on their part, to develop empathy and be less reactive. The other day, when I visited Manjeet's place, he spent almost an hour talking on this subject. "The finest gift, you can ever give them, is your listening," he said referring to his elderly parents. "How much they have done for us, for all these years; and, here we are: fuming over their complaints. How many more years are left for them?"

Some months ago, I had attended a wedding. It was grand, and the family was extra-ordinarily gracious. Again and again, they would come to you, one by one, personally, and enquire about your comfort. I did feel good about it. But, then, a week later, when I was passing by their building, I heard a very elderly lady, draped in white, calling out, "Beta, mairbhani karke ..." I went close to her. She needed me to help her take to the 2nd floor house where her daughter stayed. "For twenty minutes I have been calling them out to take me up; but, they have no heart."

I was shocked. They were the same people, who, just a week ago, had gone out of their way to make us all 'comfortable'. Now, here was the reality ... of one's own mother being made to feel like a burden. The old lady kept grumbling till we landed out side the door of her daughter's house. The moment the door opened, I saw two smiles from the house lady: one for me, and one for her mother. The mother and daughter started yelling at each other so loudly, that I was able to hear it till I came out of the building gate.

"The elephant," they say, "has two sets of teeth: One to eat, and the other to show."

And, I know, I am back on the judgement throne, once again.

I have these two vivid memories to share, today.

One incident goes back to over thirty years. My final-year exams had just got over, and, I wanted to utilise my time well. A class mate of mine had a small business outfit and he was kind enough to employ me there as an assistant. I used to reach there early in the morning and open the shop. The next shop belonged to an elderly jeweller. He would arrive after some time. Every morning, I made it a practice to raise the shutter for him, and, also, to set his table. It came naturally to me; and, I kept doing it for about three months - when I worked there in my class mate's office - without any strings attached to my gesture. On my last day of work, I went to see the elderly jeweller. He told me about his 'heartless' young son, and cried. "God bless you my son," he said with choked emotions. "You will shine."

The second incident took place after four years, here in Mumbai. Some of us had come together to found an Institute. I had played the pivotal role in it, and with all my enthusiasm and passion, worked hard to make it succeed. One of my colleagues was doing his Public Speaking course from the famous Indo-Amarican Society. He had persuaded his trainer and batch mates to hold the farewell session in our Institute. About thirty of them showed up that Saturday afternoon. I wasn't the host; my colleague was. But, once it was organised at 'our' premises, I felt I too was the host, and went about giving my own touch. Then, the door was closed, and they went about their agenda. In the end, when they began to leave the premises, many of the young men came to thank me. I was particularly touched by what the trainer said as he shook my hands. "You exude tremendous amout of warmth and zeal; keep it up. thank you."

I was doubly touched when my colleague told me, later that evening - after every one had left - this: "Sir spoke for more than fifteen minutes on being sincere and kind, and he gave us your example."

I wonder, seriously, if it is in good taste to speak about me, here. I have always thought about these episodes and really, really felt good about myself. But, it is for the first time that I am sharing them with others. I sincerely hope, it will not be mis-interpreted as an ego-display.

Please believe me, it is not.

If at all I am talking about them, here, today, it is because of that story on my dear student, Vinod. Yes, he inspired me, and triggered off this deluge. Like him, I too believe: Kindness is not an 'act'; the act itself is kindness ...

And, it all should come, straight from within ... all randomly.

Thank you Vinod. I am proud.


GERALD D'CUNHA