THAT HUNGER... THAT ENDLESS ACHING NEED!

If love has to be special, tomorrow – on 14^th of Feb, it has to be, first, special... today!

 I do not know what a Valentine Day means!

And, at 53 – and after twenty-one long years of my marriage, I am still trying to figure out what Love is!

Yes, what LOVE is!

My wife’s cousin Sunita and her wonderful husband, Benjamin , had got married twenty-five years ago… on -  what the whole world raves about as a -  'Valentine Day’. They celebrated their Silver Jubilee yesterday (for everyone’s convenience)… and, as I had told in one of my earlier posts, I was to raise the toast for this amazing couple. 

Fr. Donald, the young and dynamic Priest, is a very close and dear relative of Sunita. Last evening, he celebrated the Mass in the serene ambience of that beautiful chapel in Andheri. Father never made us feel that it was a Mass… Instead, he made us feel that we were there to celebrate, to witness, something so special. It is only against this backdrop, that I suddenly realized it was a Mass… and it was so special!

“Not everyone reaches this mark – 25 years of married life,” Fr. Donald said at the outset, “Not in these days.”

I agreed. It was so tough. “I agree with you, Father,” I echoed in my mind.

“What people get into these days is a ‘Contract’… That, we shall first agree to be in this marriage together for five years… and, let’s see,” Father said. He stressed, “Marriage is not a ‘Contract’… It is a ‘Sacrament’… a ‘path’ that you ‘choose consciously’ to walk with the support of God’s grace.” 

Father recounted what his own mom had said. It was in his village in Mangalore… She was barely 17 when she was married in those times… After years of their marriage and so many children and grand children, Fr. Donald had, one day, asked this simple village-soul… “Mom, what do you remember about your wedding day?”

“Nothing, except one thing, my son,” Father’s mom had replied, “I had promised to Lord that I shall live by this man until my death!”

The woman is still there… The man is no more. And, the ‘Promise’? 

At night, in that grand atmosphere of the hotel, I was ushered to the dais to do the honors. “What would I say to this marvelous couple,” I wondered, “Fr. Donald had said all that I wanted to say… There was, indeed, nothing left to say… Honestly.”

And, I said that to the guests who were expecting me to speak with the wine glasses in their hands. I did tell them that I was really happy and privileged to be there raising that toast for Benjamin and Sunita… I told the gathering that I was always fascinated by the grace and gentle qualities of these two souls… and I was also impressed to see the same legacy handed down to their two lovely children, Benita and Benson. I admitted to everyone that I and my wife Anima, were limping from behind… and, we still have four more years to reach the finishing line!

“Don’t try to change the world… 



the world is within you.” 



On our wedding day, 



the renowned writer, playwright and poet,



and the Sahitya Academy Award winner, 



Late Mr. Chapra DeCosta 



– our toast master – had cautioned us. 



Last night, 



I recalled these lines. 



“There are mountains, there are plateaus 



and there are planes…



Love them all…” he had advised us. 

I shared with them what I had read just some days ago in Sunday Times. “What is that one thing that has helped you stay together for thirty-three long years?” was the question. Pritish Nandy had said ,without even thinking: “Humour”. He knew how difficult it was to do that with out a light and laughing heart. Reena, his wife, had said, without even blinking: “Be deaf, be blind and be dumb.” Yes, be the three monkeys! She knew, how important to be so! 

Finally, I said, “Friends, Love is in the air… I have brought a beautiful song to dedicate to this amazing Valentine Day couple. Please allow me to present the lyrics. Hope, you will love it as I do:

THE ROSE

By Betty Midler

Some say love, it is a river that drowns the tender reed.
Some say love, it is a razor that leaves your soul to bleed.
Some say love, it is a hunger, an endless aching need.
I say love, it is a flower, and You its only seed. 

It's the heart, afraid of breaking, that never learns to dance.
It's the dream, afraid of waking, that never takes a chance.
It's the one who won't be taken, who cannot seem to give.
And the soul, afraid of dyin', that never learns to live. 

When the night has been too lonely,
 and the road has been too long,
And you think that love is only for the lucky and the strong,
Just remember in the winter far beneath the bitter snows,
Lies the seed, that with the sun's love, in the spring becomes The Rose.

As I was winding up the lyrics, the DJ began to play the song. Slowly, gently and vibrantly, it embraced the atmosphere with LOVE… that hunger – that endless aching need!

As always, I can not do what I do without my throbbing heart. Last night, my heart pounded with joy, hope and gratitude. 

“Sorry Ladies and Gentlemen, for taking this liberty of deviating from the traditional way of going about things,” I whispered into the mike as the effect of the song still lingered in the ambiance, “But, that’s how I am!” 

Then, I ended my toast how I was supposed to: “On that romantic note, my dear friends, let’s raise our glasses for this awesome couple… Benjamin and Sunita… May there be another twenty-five years, may there be another fifty… The years really don’t matter. Love does. Yes, it does! May God Bless you, Benjamin and Sunita… and you, too, Benita and Benson.”

“Cheers!!!”

I do not know what a Valentine Day means! 

And yes, I am still trying to figure out what LOVE is!

GERALD D’CUNHA

Pic. VIVEK D’CUNHA