DON'T FILL A BOTTOMLESS PIT

“One blind man cannot lead another blind man.”

When Jesus Christ said this, He was referring to our ignorance. Thus, it makes sense to think, that you cannot enlighten an ignorant man when you are ignorant yourself.

And, if you do, the obvious is bound to happen: both of you will end up in a pit!

Likewise, there is an old statement that goes like this: 

“It takes a happy man to make another man happy.”

And, there is another: 

“A sick man can not heal another sick man!”

All these statements are related… and, the moral of their story is:

You need to first put your own house in order before you venture out to do someone else’s. You need to find your own happiness, your own well-being, before you strive to find it for others around you. You need to nurse your own wounds, before you nurse others’. I firmly believe, that’s the greatest service you can ever do to humanity!

I did not say, “That’s the greatest service you can ever do to yourself!” 

Yes, by raising yourself as a strong human being, you will be in a position to raise a hundred more… Not before that… Not when you are sick, defeated and unhappy. 

So, stand for yourself first. You will be able to inspire a hundred feeble men to stand like you, then.

That’s one of the important lessons in the Chanakya’s ‘Artha Shashtra’: You have to create wealth to share it; you need to be ‘prosperous’ to share prosperity…

Yes, charity, always, begins at home…

You have got be charitable to your own self, first… 

To your own self, you shall be fair, first!

When we read all this, the first question some of us may get is: “Is it not being selfish?”

Imagine, you are neck-deep in debt. And, a friend of yours comes to borrow from you. Now, your friend knows your plight, and he still expects you do something. Or, probably, he doesn’t know about your financial mess, and, therefore, he has come to your door. Your options: Tell him, with all your honesty, your own state… be empathetic but be assertive. Your friend will find his own way out to help himself. If he is there despite knowing your condition, then, he is not your friend. If he is unaware, it is important for you to let him know your position. 

The other options: You may borrow from someone and help your friend out…

You may persuade someone to lend your friend…

You may divert some of your cash, which was meant to service your own creditors, to bail out your friend…

You may even sell one of your assets to ease out your friend’s problem...

The common sense tells us, that the most sensible and honorable option would be to empathize with your friend, let him know your condition, if, by chance, he is unaware… and, let him leave you alone… so that you can attend to your own creditors, ease your own tension, find your own happiness… Yes, at the end of the day!

Ignoring my own needs – emotional, physical and material - will leave me a lot unfulfilled. When I try to fulfill others’ needs ignoring my own, I am bound to be bitter and angry in life…

This trait of our personality stems from our own innate insecurities… It reflects our low self-esteem…  We become non-assertive in life and tend to ‘please’ others… In deed, we tend to go out of our way to do that…

But, then, trying to please someone to find 

you own joy is like trying to fill a pit 

without a bottom… Frustrating!

 

“When my intention is not to please or help someone at the cost of my own well-being, that’s, also, good intention…” I had written in my earlier Post – ‘Our Intentions Reveal Our Soul’. Some of my readers wanted to know whether it was being selfish.

It is not. 

It is, in deed, a very selfless act!

Jesus did not say, “Love thy neighbor more than thou love thyself,” In stead, he said, “As you love thyself.”

Love thyself first, therefore... then, thy neighbor!

GERALD D’CUNHA

Pic.: Manoj Nair