WE WIN ARGUMENTS... BUT LOSE PEOPLE



















A teacher in my institute was very upset the other day. She called up late at night to share with me her grief. A restless, non-cooperative group of students was the cause. One of them was particularly very vocal and had got into a nasty argument with the teacher. The seventeen-year-old, who went to one of the best colleges in Mumbai, was too blunt and disrespectful to the teacher.  It had disturbed the teacher so much that she called me, literally in tears, to tell how insensitive the young kids could be.

I empathized with the teacher and encouraged her not to take to heart the behavior of the young girl and her friends… and, I assured her that, I would talk to them when I would meet them on my lecture day.

Today was that day. After the lecture, I touched upon the subject. Probably, the young girl was expecting me to attack her… So, the moment I mentioned the incident, the girl was up with her justification…

I went into a mute mode… and looked, for a while, into the greenery outside my glass windows… I was counting ten…

“Was it required on your part to say anything, dear?” I asked the young-girl, with my anguish.

“But, sir…” the girl went on to justify…

“Is it required, my dear?” I, again, asked…

The girl wanted to say something, but restrained a little…

“What is important to you, dear – winning an argument or winning your teachers over?” I gently asked.

There was silence from the other end… But, certainly, it was quite bereft of arrogance and insensitivity…

I did not want words for my answer… I just wanted them to realize how stupid we all acted, often, just to prove a point… Just to win an argument and shut someone up. And, yes, in full public glare!




It is a sadistic pleasure 

we all have thrived on 

from our baby days…



Put somebody down with your bluntness… like a butcher… and, get away with it!

“You can’t get away with such bluntness everywhere and every time;” I reminded the class, “because, Life calls for your adjustment… accommodating spirit… your humility… your tolerance and patience.” I continued, “Remember, the world will not change for you… you will have to… Yes, everywhere and  always.”

The urge to argue is so compelling, so beastly, that we lose sight of the basic objective of living: Harmony. So, we argue at the slightest provocation – and even win them… Only to lose people in our lives!

We think, we can get away with it…

“Not always, dear. Not everywhere… every time,” I had counseled my young-ones, this morning.

I am glad, they hadn’t argued on that!



GERALD D’CUNHA

Pic.: Rajiv Sharma


Comments

Punita Desai said…
Very, very important lesson of live! Punita
July 18, 2013 at 12:45 PM
Tania R. said…
I could relate to the post well, as the urge is very strong in me. Thanks a lot for guiding.

_ Tania
July 18, 2013 at 12:49 PM
Anonymous said…
We tend to do it time and again sir. nice post. Thanks a lot. Kushal
July 18, 2013 at 3:39 PM
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