THE BIGGEST SOURCE OF OUR ANGER AND IRRITATION...

Pic.: Nishant Joshi

“If a small thing has power to make you angry,

does that not indicate something about your size!”

-         Sydney J. Harris

Most of the times, our anger has nothing to do with other people’s behavior towards us. It has a lot to do with our own.

For example, punctuality is one of my values. I try to be there in time, almost everywhere, including my classes. I insist that my students, too, should be in time. “We have no business to waste other people’s time,” I keep reminding them, “The early you learn it, the better for you.”

Also, I, often, bring to their notice one more peculiar thing about reaching in time or reaching late. Whenever we reach before time, we feel good inside. If we closely observe, it has a direct bearing on our self-confidence. On the other hand, when we reach late, we feel very defensive and mind remains busy gathering excuses for our delay. Now, no matter how valid the reason is, it does leave in us a sense of loss of self-confidence. Occasionally, we all may have our respective valid reasons... When we offer them for our delay, people do accept them. But, when it happens repeatedly, they don’t... And, however we try to enforce upon them our reasons and justifications, it only leaves us more and more irritated, and angry...

Are we angry with them?

On the surface, it does look like that. But, when we dig a little deeper, we will be surprised to see the real cause of our anger and irritation: We are angry and irritated, because, we have let ourselves down, once more... that, we have failed to keep a promise we had made to ourselves... that, we have deviated from a value we have been cherishing deep in our hearts... that, we are not walking our talk, not practicing what we preach...

So, we are unable to accept our own limitations and failure in this regard... we can’t see it, and we don’t like it... and, most of all, we do not have the simple strength to own it up... We try to cover it up by being defensive and angry...

So, we are angry at whom? About what?

The biggest source of our anger and irritation is our own inefficiency... And, because we all have ample of inefficiencies, we, also, have ample of anger and irritation boiling up within us...

Today, I was already late when I left home for my morning batch.... I was getting irritated and angry... Outside, no autos were available... I was getting irrigated and angry... I kept walking... called up some of my students and told them, that I would be reaching in ten minutes or so... But, I was getting irritated and angry... Finally, I got an auto, but the traffic was horrible... Inside the auto, I was feeling restless... I called up again to tell, that it would take more time... But, the traffic was not moving at all... And, I was getting more and more irritated and angry... Finally, when I reached, I was late almost by twenty minutes... You know how I hated it... How I did not want my students to point out, that I was late and they were all there before time...

But, then, there is something beautiful about this churning process... It, invariably, helps me trace the source of my anger...

All that was required was to get up from my bed some half-an-hour early...

All that was required was not to take my commitment a bit casually...

All that was required was to be honest in owning up that truth... learn from it... confess before your students... and, be very, very kind to my own self...

And, importantly, watch my defenses, the boiling anger... and laugh... then, let go...

And, with that, it would be all over, gone...

Tomorrow will be another day... A new class with a new lesson to learn...

I did not say, “a new lesson to teach”!

GERALD D’CUNHA