THE EMPTY ENVELOPE
"Look at these people; they are shameless, cunning," the middle-aged man remarked to me referring to a family which was busy relishing the 'maha prasad'(a grand dinner)sponsored by a big-hearted man in our Society.
"Why?" I asked.
"We have held three functions in our family during the last two years; they haven't attended a single," he told me.
"So? They must've had some genuine reasons for not attending. Don't you think so?" I reasoned.
"Yes, I know that reason," he reacted, visibly annoyed.
"What's that reason?" I pushed.
"Look, I know these 'characters' pretty well by now. The only reason is: money. This is free, you see; whereas for our functions, they had to put something in the envelope," his face showed the disgust. "They are not alone; there are thousands of people around, with such 'mentality'. You announce a 'free lunch', they are the first ones to show up."
I kept quite. Partly because, I was there eating the 'free dinner'; and partly because, I myself had 'skipped' so many functions over so many years.
"Was money the reason?" "Did I ,too, belong to those 'thousands' which that disgruntled man was referring to?"
I went back to one of my earliest experiences of weddings in 'Bombay' city about twenty-eight years ago. I had just started teaching then; I was young and energetic. I was popular; but 'broke' all the time. A North Indian student's elder brother was getting married. My student invited me, with a card, accompanied by the traditional 'gift'-- a small steel bowl. I had not heard of such a custom before. So, it gave me a pleasent surprise. On the wedding day, my purse was empty, as usual; and so, I skipped the wedding. "After all, I do not know my student's brother; it's okay," I justified myself.
After a few days, my student came to my class. "Sir, why didn't you come?" he asked.
Obviously, I wouldn't tell him the truth.
But, I loved the honesty with which those youngsters spoke and behaved. One of them pulled my leg, "Sir, you may have to return him the steel bowl; that's their custom."
He knew that I hailed from a village. I almost got up to return the bowl!
My mind goes back to my childhood days in my village. I still remember those days, and I can still sense the excitement, enthusiasm and pride when the village head would make those announcements in a wedding pandal, so loudly:
"A silk saree from bride's aunt," ..."A copper pot from bridegroom's uncle," ... "Six steel plates from bride's grandma,"... "One big pumpkin from neighbour, Pedru," ... "Rupees three from Carminbai," ..."Rupees two from Felisaab," ...and so on.
Oh, what an excitement; what a competition!
Undoubtedly, that would remain as the subject matter of our village discussion, for weeks to come.
In the same village, now the things have changed. The trend, now, is to write, proudly, and in bold letters, on the wedding cards those 'most respected words': "No Presents Please," ... "No Presents and Bouquets," ..."Presents in Blessings only," ...Or, simply, "Only Blessings."
And, undoubtedly, this,too, remains as the subject of discussion in the village. The hosts as well as the guests take a lot of pride in talking about it. It is a matter of prestige!
Here in Mumbai, I have seen some hosts refusing to accept the gifts and bouquets from the guests on the stage just because they had mentioned in the card - 'No Presents'. Now, they consider it as an offence to accept it on the stage, on the wedding day. I myself have come down from the stage, a couple of times, unable to offer my flowers. "Why couldn't they gracefully accept them, without making any scene on the stage," I have grumbled.
And, happily, I have seen many other hosts showing such grace and dignity on the stage.
"How much are you putting?"
"How much did they put on our son's wedding?"
"Eleven rupees! It is a shame on them."
Sounds familiar?
Simmi and Bunty, my students, hugged me on the stage on my wedding day, and said, so lovingly, "Sir, we haven't brought any thing for you." I pulled both of them close to me and my wife and hugged them very tightly!
They came to our place, a month later, with a lovely present, and we did accept it, gracefully.
And, how can I ever forget my student Pinky's wedding! It was in a Gurudwara,and I did not know the custom that one had to cover his head before entering it. I did not have anything to cover my head, and, so, I waited, nervously, for someone I knew to show up, so that I could 'borrow' a hand kerchief. Finally, someone showed up; I hurriedly entered the venue, wished the fair and bubbly Pinky, placing in her heavily decorated hands my envelope, and hurried back with even more nervousness.
Exactly after a month, I bumped into the newly-wedded couple in another reception. Strangely, Pinky, now turned Simran, was just behind me in that long queue to the stage. We were steps away from the stage, and the blissful Pinky softly whispered into my ears, "Sir, have checked your envelope?"
I looked at her, puzzled.
"You had gifted me an empty envelope," Pinky laughed, lovingly!
But, I barely survived!
With Best Compliments,
GERALD D,CUNHA
"Why?" I asked.
"We have held three functions in our family during the last two years; they haven't attended a single," he told me.
"So? They must've had some genuine reasons for not attending. Don't you think so?" I reasoned.
"Yes, I know that reason," he reacted, visibly annoyed.
"What's that reason?" I pushed.
"Look, I know these 'characters' pretty well by now. The only reason is: money. This is free, you see; whereas for our functions, they had to put something in the envelope," his face showed the disgust. "They are not alone; there are thousands of people around, with such 'mentality'. You announce a 'free lunch', they are the first ones to show up."
I kept quite. Partly because, I was there eating the 'free dinner'; and partly because, I myself had 'skipped' so many functions over so many years.
"Was money the reason?" "Did I ,too, belong to those 'thousands' which that disgruntled man was referring to?"
I went back to one of my earliest experiences of weddings in 'Bombay' city about twenty-eight years ago. I had just started teaching then; I was young and energetic. I was popular; but 'broke' all the time. A North Indian student's elder brother was getting married. My student invited me, with a card, accompanied by the traditional 'gift'-- a small steel bowl. I had not heard of such a custom before. So, it gave me a pleasent surprise. On the wedding day, my purse was empty, as usual; and so, I skipped the wedding. "After all, I do not know my student's brother; it's okay," I justified myself.
After a few days, my student came to my class. "Sir, why didn't you come?" he asked.
Obviously, I wouldn't tell him the truth.
But, I loved the honesty with which those youngsters spoke and behaved. One of them pulled my leg, "Sir, you may have to return him the steel bowl; that's their custom."
He knew that I hailed from a village. I almost got up to return the bowl!
My mind goes back to my childhood days in my village. I still remember those days, and I can still sense the excitement, enthusiasm and pride when the village head would make those announcements in a wedding pandal, so loudly:
"A silk saree from bride's aunt," ..."A copper pot from bridegroom's uncle," ... "Six steel plates from bride's grandma,"... "One big pumpkin from neighbour, Pedru," ... "Rupees three from Carminbai," ..."Rupees two from Felisaab," ...and so on.
Oh, what an excitement; what a competition!
Undoubtedly, that would remain as the subject matter of our village discussion, for weeks to come.
In the same village, now the things have changed. The trend, now, is to write, proudly, and in bold letters, on the wedding cards those 'most respected words': "No Presents Please," ... "No Presents and Bouquets," ..."Presents in Blessings only," ...Or, simply, "Only Blessings."
And, undoubtedly, this,too, remains as the subject of discussion in the village. The hosts as well as the guests take a lot of pride in talking about it. It is a matter of prestige!
Here in Mumbai, I have seen some hosts refusing to accept the gifts and bouquets from the guests on the stage just because they had mentioned in the card - 'No Presents'. Now, they consider it as an offence to accept it on the stage, on the wedding day. I myself have come down from the stage, a couple of times, unable to offer my flowers. "Why couldn't they gracefully accept them, without making any scene on the stage," I have grumbled.
And, happily, I have seen many other hosts showing such grace and dignity on the stage.
"How much are you putting?"
"How much did they put on our son's wedding?"
"Eleven rupees! It is a shame on them."
Sounds familiar?
Simmi and Bunty, my students, hugged me on the stage on my wedding day, and said, so lovingly, "Sir, we haven't brought any thing for you." I pulled both of them close to me and my wife and hugged them very tightly!
They came to our place, a month later, with a lovely present, and we did accept it, gracefully.
And, how can I ever forget my student Pinky's wedding! It was in a Gurudwara,and I did not know the custom that one had to cover his head before entering it. I did not have anything to cover my head, and, so, I waited, nervously, for someone I knew to show up, so that I could 'borrow' a hand kerchief. Finally, someone showed up; I hurriedly entered the venue, wished the fair and bubbly Pinky, placing in her heavily decorated hands my envelope, and hurried back with even more nervousness.
Exactly after a month, I bumped into the newly-wedded couple in another reception. Strangely, Pinky, now turned Simran, was just behind me in that long queue to the stage. We were steps away from the stage, and the blissful Pinky softly whispered into my ears, "Sir, have checked your envelope?"
I looked at her, puzzled.
"You had gifted me an empty envelope," Pinky laughed, lovingly!
But, I barely survived!
With Best Compliments,
GERALD D,CUNHA
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