WHEREVER WE GO ...
Yes, wherever we go, we carry ourselves!
About thirty years ago, I came to this tinsel town, Mumbai, hoping to do away with my nagging inferiority complex. I thought, "In a new and vast place like this, nobody would 'recognise the poor me', my past; nobody would know how 'bad' I am ... So, it would be easy for me to make a fresh start, with a new confidence."
But, it did not happen so. I brought with me my mind. And, my nagging inferiority complex was nicely wrapped inside it!
It took not just a change of place, but a lot more than that to shake off my mindset. One of those things -- and the most important one -- was the understanding that - "Wherever we go, we carry ourselves."
The place had nothing to do with my complex, my misery. My mind, my unexamined thinking, my ignorance had.
It took a hard look at myself to change that mindset. I asked,"Is living the life I long for absolutely important to me?" "Will blaming, endlessly, my circumstances -- my past, my enemies and tormentors -- end my misery?" "What would make me feel more confident and authentic: sulking like a victim, or soaring like a victor?"
Luckily, I got my answers. I chose to be 'proactive' about my life affairs. I decided that, come what may - I would refuse to handover the keys to my peace of mind to 'them' -- yes, to my 'perceived and dreaded' tormentors, my enemies.
Mandeep, an old student of mine, came to see me yesterday. She was just returning from her day-long part-time MBA class. It was a Sunday, and so, she looked quite tierd.
"I am not used to slogging like this on weekends. I was so used to my weekend off's for so many years. After slogging like mad for five days a week - almost fifteen hours a day out of your house -- I used to look forward to my weekends. Now, even they have gone; I feel worse!" Mandeep complained.
"If so, Mandeep, why did you enroll for this weekend programme?" I questioned.
"I had no other choice," she told me.
"What do you mean by 'I had no other choice'?" I persisted.
"My immediate boss has made my life a hell; I have joined this MBA programme, so that, after I complete it, I can chuck out this job, I can be free from this hell-fire." Mandeep was venting her anger. She continued, "Imagine, mine is a prestigious MNC; people die to get into my company. I have been working for this company for the past ten years, and reporting to this 'heartless monster' for last four years ... and, those years have been sheer hell."
"What are his issues? Have tried to discuss with him, or with any one else and sort things out?" I enquired.
"Oh, yes; I have tried all that. The problem is: his negative personality. Till it doesn't, change, nothing will." Mandeep was dead sure about it.
"Have you made any attempts to get yourself transferred to another division, or
another branch?" I asked.
"No use; I have failed," she quipped.
"So, you think by changing your company, you can get out of you 'problem', your 'rut'?" I pushed.
"Not just the company, but also the position. I want to go up the ladder ... so up, that I don't have to report to 'character' like him," Mandeep blasted.
"Do you think, the situations change like that? What if your next boss - the big boss - turns out to be even more monstrous? What if you yourself turn so to your subordinates?" I challenged her.
It was obvious, that Mandeep had never thought on those lines. So, she wasn't prepared to see the wisdom in whatever I was saying. She was, at least for now, believed: that, to change her state of mind, she had to change her position, her company. The people, places and positions held the keys to her happiness. So, there she was, frantically trying to do her weekend MBA in order to redeem herself from her hell-fire.
The famous Stephen Covey calls this: 'Working from ouside in' - in all his teachings. "To be effective and empowered - in whichever area of our life - we should 'work from inside out', " he emphasises. "The 'shift', the change, should take place, first and foremost, within you ... You must be the agent of change, the catalyst ...You must be the very change that you seek."
It is difficult to digest these 'truths and teachings', when we are so miserably cought up in our victim mentality. It takes a real 'awakening' to break free from it.
For most of us, the time hasn't come; our 'misery trip' isn't complete,yet. We still 'grieve and groan'.
Mandeep's time hasn't come. Her trip isnt't coplete, yet. But, I am very hopeful, that things will change for her, for better; that her hell-fire will die out; her tormentors will become 'gentle souls' ... and, yes, all this 'Corporate Politics' will, soon, come to an end and this world will be a better place to live in. Yes, I am very hopeful of all that...
But, not before she herself becomes a 'gentle soul'...
And, certainly, not before all this 'politics' ends in our own minds.
After all, the world is the projection of our collective minds; isn't it?
"Maneep, please, 'don't carry yourself' to whichever position, and whichever Company you intend to walk into, yes, once you coplete your MBA."
Good Luck,
GERALD D'CUNHA
About thirty years ago, I came to this tinsel town, Mumbai, hoping to do away with my nagging inferiority complex. I thought, "In a new and vast place like this, nobody would 'recognise the poor me', my past; nobody would know how 'bad' I am ... So, it would be easy for me to make a fresh start, with a new confidence."
But, it did not happen so. I brought with me my mind. And, my nagging inferiority complex was nicely wrapped inside it!
It took not just a change of place, but a lot more than that to shake off my mindset. One of those things -- and the most important one -- was the understanding that - "Wherever we go, we carry ourselves."
The place had nothing to do with my complex, my misery. My mind, my unexamined thinking, my ignorance had.
It took a hard look at myself to change that mindset. I asked,"Is living the life I long for absolutely important to me?" "Will blaming, endlessly, my circumstances -- my past, my enemies and tormentors -- end my misery?" "What would make me feel more confident and authentic: sulking like a victim, or soaring like a victor?"
Luckily, I got my answers. I chose to be 'proactive' about my life affairs. I decided that, come what may - I would refuse to handover the keys to my peace of mind to 'them' -- yes, to my 'perceived and dreaded' tormentors, my enemies.
Mandeep, an old student of mine, came to see me yesterday. She was just returning from her day-long part-time MBA class. It was a Sunday, and so, she looked quite tierd.
"I am not used to slogging like this on weekends. I was so used to my weekend off's for so many years. After slogging like mad for five days a week - almost fifteen hours a day out of your house -- I used to look forward to my weekends. Now, even they have gone; I feel worse!" Mandeep complained.
"If so, Mandeep, why did you enroll for this weekend programme?" I questioned.
"I had no other choice," she told me.
"What do you mean by 'I had no other choice'?" I persisted.
"My immediate boss has made my life a hell; I have joined this MBA programme, so that, after I complete it, I can chuck out this job, I can be free from this hell-fire." Mandeep was venting her anger. She continued, "Imagine, mine is a prestigious MNC; people die to get into my company. I have been working for this company for the past ten years, and reporting to this 'heartless monster' for last four years ... and, those years have been sheer hell."
"What are his issues? Have tried to discuss with him, or with any one else and sort things out?" I enquired.
"Oh, yes; I have tried all that. The problem is: his negative personality. Till it doesn't, change, nothing will." Mandeep was dead sure about it.
"Have you made any attempts to get yourself transferred to another division, or
another branch?" I asked.
"No use; I have failed," she quipped.
"So, you think by changing your company, you can get out of you 'problem', your 'rut'?" I pushed.
"Not just the company, but also the position. I want to go up the ladder ... so up, that I don't have to report to 'character' like him," Mandeep blasted.
"Do you think, the situations change like that? What if your next boss - the big boss - turns out to be even more monstrous? What if you yourself turn so to your subordinates?" I challenged her.
It was obvious, that Mandeep had never thought on those lines. So, she wasn't prepared to see the wisdom in whatever I was saying. She was, at least for now, believed: that, to change her state of mind, she had to change her position, her company. The people, places and positions held the keys to her happiness. So, there she was, frantically trying to do her weekend MBA in order to redeem herself from her hell-fire.
The famous Stephen Covey calls this: 'Working from ouside in' - in all his teachings. "To be effective and empowered - in whichever area of our life - we should 'work from inside out', " he emphasises. "The 'shift', the change, should take place, first and foremost, within you ... You must be the agent of change, the catalyst ...You must be the very change that you seek."
It is difficult to digest these 'truths and teachings', when we are so miserably cought up in our victim mentality. It takes a real 'awakening' to break free from it.
For most of us, the time hasn't come; our 'misery trip' isn't complete,yet. We still 'grieve and groan'.
Mandeep's time hasn't come. Her trip isnt't coplete, yet. But, I am very hopeful, that things will change for her, for better; that her hell-fire will die out; her tormentors will become 'gentle souls' ... and, yes, all this 'Corporate Politics' will, soon, come to an end and this world will be a better place to live in. Yes, I am very hopeful of all that...
But, not before she herself becomes a 'gentle soul'...
And, certainly, not before all this 'politics' ends in our own minds.
After all, the world is the projection of our collective minds; isn't it?
"Maneep, please, 'don't carry yourself' to whichever position, and whichever Company you intend to walk into, yes, once you coplete your MBA."
Good Luck,
GERALD D'CUNHA
Comments
Again a master piece from you. By reading Mandeep's expample as pointed out whether the next alternative will be alright for her??? I agree to this thought. Its not that every time a person flip a coin and get the result as per there desire.
Second what i saw is she wanna do MBA to get a better post and want to climb up the ladder but sir is it true to go up we really require to be an MBA.Her Experience of a decade can help her to get a better post.
Thirdly, Mandeep had bear the brunt of her boss for 4 yrs which is petty long time. Is it true that Mandeep would have been correct in all her aspect. Nobody will wait for such a long time.
Fourthly, Mandeep is continuing the job where she is not having peace of mind. Without peace of mind how can Mandeep fare in MBA. Just getting degree is not enough.
With regard to the first part of the article i would like to give an example that In a boxing match a victor is the one who not only defend himself but also punch the opposite guy to get the points. Being Proactive is very much applicable to every aspect of life. U coming in Mumbai 30 yrs before and changed ur mindset is as good as carving a rock with bare hands and then being proactive make u a successful boxer.
Great feedback; your feedback itself is an article. Why can't you expand on that, and share yours own experiences?
I am encouraged by your feedback. Do encourage other contributors as well, and do encourage your friends to go through ours blogs.
Love
GERRY