STEP BACK AND SEE
Does Devil tempt my mind?
Or, is my mind itself a Devil?
It's months now, since my first blog article was published. I was glad and proud about it.
Many of my well-wishers sent me feedback, and, obviously, 'nice' ones. Many of them kept urging me to post my new articles ... at least one in a week.
Writing is my passion, and I do write on a daily basis ... and, I write them in the form of my notes. So, what a big deal? Why didn't I post a new piece during all these months?
Perhaps, I wanted to see what would happen if I do not yield to that 'compulsion' to have my 'notes' published ... I wanted to see what would happen if I step back at the very hieght of popularity.
It is very tempting to go by the popular wave, yield to the pressures of your friends and well-wishers. When I did not have a blog, I longed for one. The blog came ... and with it the pressures and compulsions: "I must do it, come what may."
But, a voice inside screamed at me: "Why? To prove whom? And to prove what?"
The voice was so loud that it subdued all other voices ... Yes, those of my friends and well-wishers.
I decided not to post any new pieces for some time, in spite the fact that I did possess with me thousands of brilliant articles, and in spite of the fact that I did and do keep writing.
It is very tempting to seek fame, the validation from the society. When you are a 'nobody', you crave to be a 'somebody'. And, then, when you become that 'somebody' ... you wonder:
"Why am I still craving and starving? ... Why am I so restless to prove, assert and standout?"
Deep down, I know this: No matter how many articles I publish, and no matter how popular I become, unless I have the 'right reasons' for my need to do all this -- my internal world would remain the same: poverty-sticken!
I also know this: To know the 'right reasons', often, I must stop doing things which give me such a 'high' ... I must step back and see.
That's what I did all this while. I did not want to replace one set of frantic work with another. An addiction is addiction, however you try to replace it, with whatever.
Success, if depends on 'ratings' and 'box-office' figures, then my bucket will always remain unfilled. For me, it is important to 'plug that hole' in my bucket ... that intrinsic sense of lack which I try, so desperately, to hide by my frantic pace, my aggression and ambition. And, by world's approval.
May be, I sound a bit 'weird' here, a bit 'out-of-fashion'. But, that's okay ... as long as it is my honest attempt to share my own 'inner battles'.
And, who knows? It may be the inner battle of every one ... Yes, all of you -- my wonderful friends and well-wishers out there.
Hope, there is something worthwhile in this 'crap', too!
Love,
GERALD D'CUNHA
Or, is my mind itself a Devil?
It's months now, since my first blog article was published. I was glad and proud about it.
Many of my well-wishers sent me feedback, and, obviously, 'nice' ones. Many of them kept urging me to post my new articles ... at least one in a week.
Writing is my passion, and I do write on a daily basis ... and, I write them in the form of my notes. So, what a big deal? Why didn't I post a new piece during all these months?
Perhaps, I wanted to see what would happen if I do not yield to that 'compulsion' to have my 'notes' published ... I wanted to see what would happen if I step back at the very hieght of popularity.
It is very tempting to go by the popular wave, yield to the pressures of your friends and well-wishers. When I did not have a blog, I longed for one. The blog came ... and with it the pressures and compulsions: "I must do it, come what may."
But, a voice inside screamed at me: "Why? To prove whom? And to prove what?"
The voice was so loud that it subdued all other voices ... Yes, those of my friends and well-wishers.
I decided not to post any new pieces for some time, in spite the fact that I did possess with me thousands of brilliant articles, and in spite of the fact that I did and do keep writing.
It is very tempting to seek fame, the validation from the society. When you are a 'nobody', you crave to be a 'somebody'. And, then, when you become that 'somebody' ... you wonder:
"Why am I still craving and starving? ... Why am I so restless to prove, assert and standout?"
Deep down, I know this: No matter how many articles I publish, and no matter how popular I become, unless I have the 'right reasons' for my need to do all this -- my internal world would remain the same: poverty-sticken!
I also know this: To know the 'right reasons', often, I must stop doing things which give me such a 'high' ... I must step back and see.
That's what I did all this while. I did not want to replace one set of frantic work with another. An addiction is addiction, however you try to replace it, with whatever.
Success, if depends on 'ratings' and 'box-office' figures, then my bucket will always remain unfilled. For me, it is important to 'plug that hole' in my bucket ... that intrinsic sense of lack which I try, so desperately, to hide by my frantic pace, my aggression and ambition. And, by world's approval.
May be, I sound a bit 'weird' here, a bit 'out-of-fashion'. But, that's okay ... as long as it is my honest attempt to share my own 'inner battles'.
And, who knows? It may be the inner battle of every one ... Yes, all of you -- my wonderful friends and well-wishers out there.
Hope, there is something worthwhile in this 'crap', too!
Love,
GERALD D'CUNHA
Comments
Sir, Let me share the insight. Being a witness to self or watching the thoughts or observing the existence is a way to dissolve. Words get dropped. In fact they become a hindrance. But out of compassion for the beloved ones -for the humanity- one has to stay connected with words to carry the message –to be a medium.
Gerry Sir, many times we remain connected and it is possible because of you. I think this is the great responsibility on your shoulders. Existence has made you capable (blessed one) and also given you the opportunity to carry this task of keeping us connected. I understand that this is your significance –not only to earn your living -not only to nurture your family -not only to create organisations -more than that to keep us connected. This contribution of yours will keep you contented. More than money, fame or words it is the sense of belonging which keeps you alive.
Sir, you and we are learned people. The words we carry are more than enough to live a life. However, to live a life of authenticity, one has to stumble -as its nakedness not only shatters us but also the society. May the courage of seeing the things authentically be with you so that we all get benefited from your “expression”. Vaachas Chame.
We need each other to keep us going;
I really do not know - who inspires whom!
What is important, however, is - Let LIFE inspire us, ever and ever!
Thanks, and posst ur articles.
GERRY