Dr. Wayne Dyer, in one of his inspirational books, shares with us his testimony as to how he dealt with the most difficult demon in his life. He was young and he had obtained his doctorate in psychology. He had started his practice in Counseling, Speaking and Writing; he was all geared up to achieve name and fame. Yes, he was aspiring to touch people’s lives… inspire them, motivate them… guide them to lead successful and fulfilling life. Yet, his own life was in a total mess… He was deeply into alcohol… and his mind was caught up in a hell he was unable to come to terms with: his father.
When Dr. Dyer was still a baby, his father had abandoned Dr. Dyer’s young mother and their little children… leaving them to fend for themselves. So, as a child, and later as a young adult, Dr. Dyer harbored this anger and hatred towards his father who had deserted them. He wanted to meet his father, one of those days, and take out the revenge… The thought had consumed his mind so much that Dr. Dyer was unable to sleep or concentrate on his work… All that he wanted to do was: to get even with his father. Their tormentor.
So, Dr. Dyer goes on a hunt… He travels thousands of miles, across the United States, meets hundreds of people trying to trace his father… and, finally, succeeds in meeting him - at the grave! Standing there before his father - their life-long tormentor – whose dead bones lay there buried deep down in that grave – Dr. Dyer’s entire being passes through a life-changing experience. The heavy rock of rage and revenge falls off to make way for lightness of compassion and peace… He weeps like a little child, standing there, all alone, for hours; and, finally, he leaves the graveyard completely liberated and healed by that experience.
The father did what he did in his prevailing wisdom. Dr. Dyer could do nothing about it… except what he did now standing before the tomb.
Hatred is fire...
It consumes us before it consumes those who we hate.
Forgiveness is possible only when we are able to see this truth,
Only when we are able to see the futility of our hatred.
The end of our anger is always the birth of our compassion.
In the movie, Nahin Milegi Zindagi Dobara, the three friends have three different ghosts – their own fears. Kabir (Abhay Deol) is afraid to walk into his marriage. The girl who he is engaged to is too insecure. Arjun (Hritik Roshan) is a workaholic and afraid of living even a minute without doing his work. Imran (Farhan Akthar) is haunted by his biological father who had deserted his mother. He wants to meet his father and relieve the burden of his heart. The movie brilliantly compares their fears to something they try to over come on their short trip to Spain. For Kabir, it is the charging bulls; for Arjun, it is diving into the deep ocean… and, for Imran, it was bungee jumping from a plane. In the end, all three of them succeed in overcoming their ghosts.
Imran meets his father. The father meets his son. There is no more baggage, no more haunting of the ghosts…
Most of us are lucky. Our fathers have not deserted us. But even then, some of us have a sweet-bitter relationship with our fathers. My father was very fond of me… though I was not fond of his drinking. As I became conscious of his drinking, I would feel very shy, and even ashamed. In my heart, I would dislike him for that… though I loved him. The experience is quite strong and, that is surely the reason why I do not drink. Well, two of my brothers had a tough time with our father. They would clash too often, and too badly. That was when they were teens. But, as the years passed by, things changed. Our dad died quite early, at 56… By then, the turn around had happened, for all of us, his sons!
“My dad Greatest!” I love this little boy who shouts that in the ad. Then, I smile in my heart and ask, “Greatest what, sweety?”
Ashish, my good friend, loves to tell us all - “My dad Greatest… Greatest what?”
From the age zero to five: My dad is THE WORLD! He is everything for me!
From the age five to ten: My dad is THE LAW! He can never be wrong!
From the age ten to fifteen: My dad is A DISTURBANCE. He meddles too much in my life!
From the age fifteen to twenty: My dad is my GREATEST ENEMY! I wish Life doesn’t give dads!
From the age twenty to twenty-five: Who is dad? I am too busy!
From the age twenty-five to thirty: It must’ve been difficult for dad… I can understand, because, I am a dad, now!
From the age thirty to thirty five: ‘Dad was so sweet… He must’ve gone through hell raising a worthless guy like me!’
From the age thirty-five to forty: Dad was the Greatest person on earth! Oh! I miss him so much!
Friends, by then, the dad must be too old to savor that compliment…
Or, he may be even not there around to receive it!
This post is about our dads. Our rich dads and our poor dads. Our good dads and our bad dads. About loving them… for whatever they have been! This post is to remind ourselves: Our dads did what they did in the wisdom bestowed upon them. They are our BEST DADS… THE GREATEST!
Today, my dad is no more around when I really, really feel like telling him that.
Son, I am still around!