AN ECLIPSE OF A DIFFERENT KIND

It happened, once again, just a while ago… Maybe  the  hundredth time… Maybe more!

What is that?

That, my ‘Past’ doesn’t exist… except in my mind…

That, it doesn’t come up – doesn’t visit me – unless I ‘invite’ it… Rather, unless I desire to ‘revisit’ it.

That, my Past – whether pleasant or unpleasant – is all ‘lived’ and gone behind… Clinging to it only adds mess in my life. Yes, both pleasant as well as unpleasant memories when clung to. They only curtail me from embracing this Present moment – fully… They make me ‘look back’ and repent, regret, miss, crib, blame, seethe and ignore what is in hand, what is being given, what is being bestowed and blessed upon…

That, my Past doesn’t teach me unless I want to learn from it… Unless, yes, unless I am brutally honest, that I want to learn from it. 

That, most of the time, it is my desire to get even with someone that takes me back… Or, I use my Past as a convenient excuse to hide under – Yes, living as a poor victim of my Past is the most convenient and the easiest excuse for my Present inefficiencies. 

That, my Past is now my Present and Present will be my Future, tomorrow… It is an endless cycle in which I get caught… and I fail to see the reality – that, this cycle ‘can be broken’ – just by being honest, aware and resolute…

That, Past doesn’t help… It hasn’t anyone, anytime, anywhere… ever. Never!

And, it won’t help me, either… ever. Never!

So, this was what had happened to me just a while ago, this morning, on my way to work. Yes, it had happened, once again… Maybe for the hundredth time… Maybe, more!

A man stopped his car and opened the door for me, “Please come in," he said. I slipped in, without even checking out who he was!

He was the one, who had caused a great deal of pain in my life… He had been hell-bent to trouble me… and, I had tried my best to do away whatever misunderstanding with him… but, in vain. I had lost all my hopes… and, had been hard in my own mind. His thoughts would bring my heart discomfort… and, it would happen time and time again. The Past had become the Present… and, the Present, by all probability, would become the Future… The cycle would continue… and, I would remain caught-up eternally in this vortex. 

Yes, a self-created one. Self-destructive. Yes, self-invited!

So, I accepted the invitation, instinctively, without asking who it was… or, why… Yes, suspending my judgment, going by how my heart led… 

I was, now, inside the car with him… who was, once, my Past.

Was he now?

He was not!

He had existed only in my mind… 

He had visited me 

only when I had invited him… 

Only when I had desired 

to re-visit did he visit me! 

My Past lives in me as long as I desire it to… No longer than that!

It is one guest my mind keeps inviting... who, my heart doesn’t like.

Today, when my mind and heart came together, the glory of the Present moment eclipsed the gloom of the Past. 

Oh yes, it is an eclipse of a different kind!

GERALD D’CUNHA

Pics.: Arathi Rourniyar