THE SERENITY

Many years ago, one afternoon, I saw tears welling in Hardeep’s eyes. She was just eighteen, and she was in second-year B’Com. The lecture was on, and tears in my student’s eyes had puzzled me. It was a packed classroom… and, I had not provoked the tears. So, I decided not to draw anyone’s attention to this young girl. After the class, I gently asked Hardeep to stay back and let me know why she was crying. 

At the start, Hardeep hesitated to open up. I encouraged her to speak, and, finally, she did. “Sir, my parents want me to get married, now… Tomorrow, a family will be visiting our place to see me,” Hardeep told me, tears gushing out of her eyes, “I do not want to get married, now, sir… I want to complete my studies, first… But, they don’t understand.”

What could I tell? How could I ‘save’ young Hardeep from her trauma? I remember asking her this: “Do you think, you can convince them?”

“No sir, I don’t think, I can do that,” Hardeep said, “They have the final word.”

“Can you involve any seniors in your family to convince your parents?” I asked.

“No sir, all our relatives want me to go by what my parents want me to do,” Hardeep replied.

“Do you see any other option, Hardeep?” I enquired.

“No sir,” she said mutely.

Just after a week, Hardeep stopped coming to my class. I understood: Her marriage was fixed and studies had gone for a toss!

I did not see Hardeep for years, since then.

Some two weeks ago, I bumped into Hardeep with her lovely ten-year old daughter just outside my classes. I immediately remembered her tears and I couldn’t stop myself asking her this: “So, you did not want to get married… You were crying that afternoon, do you remember?” 

“Oh, yes sir, I remember that day,” Hardeep said, “but, I don’t regret now, when I look at my baby’s face.” Hardeep lovingly cupped her daughter’s chin. 

“How sweet,” I complimented, “You can be happy with whatever decision you take whole heartedly.”

“Whole-hearted decision?” Far from it!

But then, what made the shift was that Hardeep, eventually, stopped resisting what was being imposed upon her and started accepting… till her parents’ decision became her own. Yes, till it became her ‘whole-hearted decision’. Till, she saw that she was fighting against a ‘reality’!

Any attempt to change a ‘reality’ only breeds stress and misery. We have no option but to ‘accept’ it… if stress and misery have to be kept at bay, in our lives. 

“Allow this little one to study as much as she desires,” I caressed the ten-year old’s head, “Happiness comes in different forms, dear.” 

And, last evening, we had a Workshop on ‘Decision Making’. My friend,  Uday Acharya, was conducting the Workshop. During the session, he asked the youngsters to write down one of the most difficult decisions which they had to take in their lives. A Gujarati lady had come to attend the Workshop with her teenager son. When, Uday prodded the participants to share what they had written, this lady was the first one to do.

“I was just eighteen and was very fond of studies. But, my parents pressurized me to get married and stop studying. I was heart-broken… It was the most difficult decision I had to take in my life.”

When I heard this, my mind went back to Hardeep’s welling eyes.

Uday asked her, “Did you attempt to convince your parents?”

“I did all I could,” the lady said, “But, my mother threatened me saying that she would not take even a sip of water if I did not obey her!”

The young ones – most of them of around the age of eighteen - were listening. 

“Now, do you still resist that?” Uday asked the lady.

“No sir, I don’t,” the mother of a teenager was emphatic; “I know it happened for my best.” Then, she added, “I have come here, along with my son, because, I want to learn… and, I will!”

The class applauded her.

“My dear young friends, learn to differentiate between your ‘Realities’ and your ‘Possibilities’,”  Uday told the class. He added, “What is not worth fighting, learn to ‘accept’… and, where there are ‘options’… learn to take decisions.”

Well, if being happy is the main reason to live, then, what Uday told us, did make a lot of sense. The famous ‘Serenity Prayer’ came to my mind:

Lord, grant me the courage
 

 To change the things I can;

Grant me the serenity

 To accept the things I cannot…

And, above all, grant me the wisdom

To know the difference!”

A prayer like this needs my whole heart… 

And, in the light of my awareness, I learn what I must ‘choose’… and, what I must ‘accept’!

GERALD D’CUNHA

Pics.Roopa Sushil