STOP DANCING WITH THE DEVIL... IF YOU WANT TO GET OUT OF THE HELL











Pic.: Anima D'Cunha


“Maybe, sometimes, people did not actually change;
Maybe, you just never knew who they really were.”

- Unknown

If I do not like someone’s behavior and if I genuinely want him to change, then, I must stop reminding him of his so-called bad behavior… stop making him feel guilty, defensive about it.

Nobody has ever changed defending his behavior and guilt!

If I am genuinely concerned about his behavior and if I truly wish to rejoice in his change, then, it is important on my part to get in touch with my own desperation to point to him – repeatedly – how wrong he is, how flawed… Yes, I must ask this to myself: “Why am I so obsessed with his behavior? Do I really, really want him to change? Do I wish to truly rejoice in his change? Does it help me – leave alone him – if I keep reminding him about his flaws and make him feel defensive and guilty?”

The more I point it out to him, the more hardened he becomes… the more reluctant to change…

The only way, therefore, is: create that guiltless zone in his heart where he chooses to change on his own.

Naïve?

Not at all!

Let’s look at the way we try to bring about change in behavior in someone we love, someone significant in our life… our child, sibling, partner, parent, relative, friend, colleague or anyone who really matters for our well-being. What many of us do is exactly the opposite – we keep cribbing about his behavior, keep ‘exposing’ him to an extent that he hates our obsession…

And, when we drag things to this state, forget about ‘his’ change…

It is our self-destructive behavior… suicidal!

Now, who is flawed – he or me? Who has to change – he or me?

A wise-man had said: “You can’t keep dancing with the devil and wondering why you’re still in hell.”

GERALD D’CUNHA

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

MUTHU KODI KAWARI HADA

Image
Pic.; Ashwin Mohta M y Hindi was always bad. It still is. One reason for this was, that they introduced Hindi for us only in 6 th standard. Or, was it in 8 th ? I don’t remember… I only remember struggling to write and read… leave alone speak! But, I loved Hindi movies, and, strangely, I could understand the dialogues and the lyrics of the songs… I used to sing those songs (of course when no one was around me!) as if I was the lyricist… One of the songs was a very funny one. ‘Muthu Kodi Kawari Hada’. It was from Mehmood’s super-hit comedy – ‘Do Phool’. I was a 15-year-old high-school boy when I had heard that song (not watched the movie). I could grasp the meaning of two words – ‘Muthu Kodi’… which meant ‘Give kiss’… But, what ‘Kawari Hada’ meant, I have no clue till date! It was just like ‘Why this kolaveri di’... Yes, why ask? Simply enjoy the beats… And, the beats are great… The rest... Who cares? Really! So, whatever bit of Hi...
Read more

SELLING MIRRORS IN THE CITY OF THE BLIND

Image
“I laugh when I hear that the fish in the water is thirsty. I laugh when I hear that people go on pilgrimage to find God.” - Kabir T here is a universal human weakness – and it dates back to the days of fallen civilizations – and it is: to place people on pedestal and trying to be smothered by them, feel loved and protected in their company… worship them as mentors, heroes,  gurus, Mahagurus and Satgurus… Make these mortals larger-than-life cut-outs, worship them as flawless, pure and give one’s all… And, then, ‘take’ everything from them blindly as divine… Give everything to them blindly… Eventually, what happens is:  one more dangerous bondage… What was supposed to free you now becomes a new prison… It’s sad to see this happen! T his room, where I am writing this Post, has no image of any deity. I have no image of any Guru or Master around me… My question is: “Am I not able to feel close to Almighty God?  How ...
Read more

"HAPPILY EVER AFTER IS NOT A FAIRY-TALE... IT IS A CHOICE"

Image
“Love doesn’t just sit there, like a stone… It has to be made, like bread; remade all the time, made new.” – Ursula K. Le Guin,  The Lathe of Heaven T welve years ago, when Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie got married, the world began to hail the couple as ‘Brangelina’. It became a fashion for couples around us to call themselves so… Norbert and Teresa renamed them as ‘Noresa’…  Amol and Vishaka baptized their relationship as ‘Amoshka’… and, Salman and Nargis became ‘Salgis’! I and my wife, too, got tempted to re-christian our matrimonial relationship as ‘Germa’... That is, Gerald and Anima, to be precise! B efore I proceed any further, let me make it very clear, here… that, I have no business to judge on the break-up of Brad Pitt and Angelina’ Jolie’s marriage. I have no inclination to go into why, how, what when etc behind it… The couple ‘chose’ to split. And, it’s their choice… Only they know how good or bad… how joyful or pain...
Read more
THE WILD, WAYSIDE FLOWERS
There is, always, something extra-ordinary in the wild, wayside flowers...