YOU ARE A MONKEY

Some years ago, I had gone to meet a Builder. I had booked a flat in one of his projects, when the property prices were at their peak. When the market crashed, the Builder began to delay the work, and the buyers began to delay the payment of instalments. In my case, due to other problems involved, I stopped making the payments completely, even though the Builder kept charging interest. I had decided to get out of the project, either by selling the unfinished unit, or by surrendering it back to the Builder. But, because of the slump, none of these was happening. In the mean time, the bill amount kept mounting.

So, against this back drop, one morning, I took my younger brother and went to see this Builder. My objective was to negotiate with him, and find a win-win solution.

However, in the course of our discussion, the Builder went on the offensive. With his loud voice, he began to 'insult' and 'accuse' me in front of my brother and some other customers. I lost my cool, and began to defend my self, telling him clearly that he had no business to deal with me like that. I was equally flared up.

My younger brother, who was next to me throughout this show-down, wasn't.

When the heat began to subside, my brother involved. With a calm mind, he said something sensible that made both the parties to say 'sorry' and shake hands. We left the Builder's office, resolving our differences.

It happened about ten years ago. Still, even today, sometimes, when I replay that video in my mind, I can feel the heaviness in my breathing: "How could he call me a 'crook'?" ... "He better know who I am - a 'respected' teacher, a writer who preaches values to the world (including the Builders and their children!)" ..."Who is he to question my integrity?" ... and so on. Though these are just some passing thoughts - harmless - they, do pass by, like the dark clouds in the sky. I have no option but to watch them. Like a wonder-struck child.

Last week, I accompanied my friend, Naresh, on his visit to some one's office. The subject of discussion, though concerned me too, Naresh was doing the talking. Again, during the course of the discussion, one of the persons, across the table, turned very personal, with out any provocation, and began to slur. His body language was extremely volatile; and, before he could go out of bounds, the men around him brought him to his senses. Naresh was totally shocked; never to mention hurt, offended and even provoked.

This time, I, who was there with him throughout, wasn't ruffled. As it had happened in my own case, years earlier, when the dust began to settle, I said something sensible in a poised manner, and both the parties reconciled. We left the office, on a happy note ... though, Naresh still carried in him the 'residue'. He couldn't drop the episode, so easily. He kept talking about it for some days. But, now, the cloud seems to have passed fully.

When we were small, I had trouble with my elder brother, always. "You are a monkey," if I dared to rub his wrong side, I was sure to get from him this: "And, you are a
pig." Plus this: A whack! ..."Go, get lost."

I would get lost, with my complaints, to my mother.

"He called you 'pig'. Did you become one?" she would ask me wiping my wet face.

"No," I would reply, sheepishly.

"Go and play." The matter would end.

On the other hand, fearing the backlash, if my brother reported to her first, she would ask him the same:

"He called you 'monkey'. Did you become one?"

"No; but ..." My elder brother would reply.

"Go and play ... No 'but'."

We both would go back to play. By the time we returned home, late at night, we wouldn't remember about our tussel, at all. But, our simple mother would. She would lovingly instruct her two sons:

"Now, you little pig and you big monkey, both of you go and take bath. You stink!"


Years ago, when that Builder called me a 'crook', my younger brother kept quiet.
He knew, I hadn't turned into a 'crook', just because a stranger, in his loud, intimidating voice, calling me so.

Last week, when that man tried to bully my friend, Naresh, by calling him 'whatever' ... I kept quiet.
I knew, that Naresh hadn't turned into 'whatever' just because, this bully was yelling.

"No abuse has the power to touch you, unless you start interpreting it ... make a 'dramatic story' around it. Once you do that, it assumes the power, and you become powerless, a victim of your own creation." I had heard a spiritual teacher saying this.

But, there is always a big gap between: 'saying'... 'hearing' ...'implementing' ...
and, above all, 'being' ...

You see.


GERALD D'CUNHA