THE PILLAR CALLED APPRECIATION

One of our deepest needs is to feel appreciated.

Last afternoon, while conducting a programme on ‘Self-confidence’, I was telling the college students as to how deep this need is. “It is the hunger of our hearts,” I told them, “I experience this hunger as much as you do… as much as a little baby does.”

Definitely, there are several pillars on which our self-confidence stands. But, one of these pillars has to be enough appreciation.

But, I always tell the young-ones this: “Were there not those well-wishers in our lives, always standing along our way, as our cheerleaders - our own parents and grand parents, siblings and cousins, uncles and aunts, neighbors and teachers, and yes, our friends? Didn’t these wonderful souls stand by our path and kept cheering, kept appreciating and applauding?” I ask them, “Did only critics line-up along our way? Did only negative voices go up in the air?”

It was never the case like that. It can not be. I tell the youngsters, “Listen, our well-wishers always outnumber – in manifold, in fact – our critics. For every critic on our pathway, we have five times that number our well-wishers – our fans, our cheerleaders.” I also tell them, “But, my young friends, remember this: most of our well-wishers are our quiet cheerleaders… They don’t blow trumpets nor beat drums… They cheer us up quietly; but they do… They do.”

When our parents and grandparents cheered us up, all along our journey, we hardly noticed them… We hardly heard their voices… and, here it is: We hardly ‘felt’ their appreciation!

What we, always noticed, heard and felt was: the ones who said something nasty, something blunt or outright dampening or hurting… Yes, we saw these people, we heard their caustic voices and, yes, we predominantly ‘felt’ the harshness of their voices.

“So, what has to be done now?” I ask the young souls, “You are old enough to do something about it?”

“Consciously, notice more and more cheerleaders along your way,” I advice the young eager-beavers, “Hear more and more of their gentle and quiet cheering… And, yes, pause and feel appreciated. Allow the feeling seep well into your hearts… Feel the strength within, feel the gladness… feel the love.”

There is no point in blaming anyone, for anything. That doesn’t do any good to our self-confidence. On the contrary, it only further brings our confidence down. Many a times, our parents, relatives and teachers have been critical or less appreciative. But, that’s the best way known to them! What is done is done. It is over. All that we need to do now is to empathize with their own situation… and, let go of our blame and victimhood. We have to remind ourselves, over and over again, that the more we release ourselves of the prison of blame, the more and more we feel self-confident.

Yes, to ‘feel’ enough appreciation in our lives, we should be freer, more open… more grateful.

“Now on, please do one thing… right way,” I urge the young hearts, “You don’t do the same mistake… of holding back your appreciation to others… of being critical and harsh.” I tell them, “The more you sincerely appreciate others, wish them well, the more you feel good about your own self. Besides, it is the ancient Law of Karma: “What goes around, comes around.”

“True, you reap what you sow! 

Sow, therefore, good deeds,” I conclude, 

“What you sow is within your hands.”

One of the easies ways to genuinely feel appreciated is by genuinely appreciating others…

Can’t we do that?

There are two ends for every pillar. One stands on someone… One holds someone. For the  pillar called ‘Appreciation’, there can not be an exception!

GERALD D’CUNHA

Pic.: Manoj Nair