TURNED 18? BOY, TIME TO DO DISHES
Pic.: Neerja Panchal
A student of mine had celebrated his 18th
b’day a year ago. His parents, who are well-off, had personally come to invite
me for the grand party they had hosted for their son at a plush hotel. Like
many parents believe, these parents, too, had believed that their son had just
become a ‘major’ now... A man!
And, like every guest had done, that
night, I, too, had wished the b’day boy – the very best as a ‘man’...
The boy – I still call him ‘boy’ –
still studies under me. Some weeks ago, one morning, I handed some papers to
this boy and requested him to submit them to my Chartered Accountant, whose
office was on the ground floor of the building next to the building in which my
student lived.
The boy’s face indicated that he was
clueless about the CA’s office. “It is the very next building on the right side
of your building,” I explained to my boy, “the very next building, on the
ground floor... The name is prominently displayed.”
The boy was, still, clueless!
I was getting irritated, by now.
Though I was seeking a small favor from my student, and though I could arrange
to send it through anyone else, I was asking this boy just because, the CA’s
office was right below my student’s nose... But, looking at the young-one’s
response, I was not only feeling sorry for him, I was feeling angry, too...
“Beta,
you don’t want to do it?” I asked him directly.
“Sir, not like that,” my student
replied, quite sincerely, “I haven’t done any ‘job’ like that before!”
“I can understand that, beta,” I said with a lot of anguish,
“Don’t worry, I will send it through someone.”
It just took one request to another
student of mine, who lived very far from the particular CA’s office and on the
opposite direction. He gladly carried out this mundane mission, which the other
student of mine had termed as ‘job’!
I am not telling this, here, to vent
out my anger on my reluctant student, nor am I narrating it, here, to demean
him in way. In fact, he was very sincere while he said what he did... He had
not done any such ‘job’, because, his well-off parents had not given him such
‘jobs’... They wanted him to only ‘study’, which he was doing!
Had my boy’s parents wanted him to
‘learn’ – instead of ‘study’ - it would have been a different response, that morning.
The other boy, who carried out the mission for me, came from a hand-to-mouth
family. I am sure, his parents must have been giving him ample number of such ‘jobs’...
And, to me, that was learning of a superior kind, never taught in schools and
institutions... To me, those errands were ‘life skills’, not ‘jobs’... To me,
the day a kid starts accepting such responsibilities in his daily life, it is
the day he turns 18... the day he becomes a ‘major’ in life!
My son tells me about one of his
classmates who is a French citizen. After studying together in the same campus
in Pune, now five of them, including this French young-man, are, now, working
in Bangaluru in the same Studio, and they all live together in a rented apartment
out there. As in most Western countries, in France, too, the parents want their
just-turned-18 kids to go out and work somewhere just to get that inner sense
that they have, now, become adults, that they have to learn to fend for
themselves, shoulder responsibilities... So, in these countries, the adult
children living with their parents is looked down upon!
The parents of the French-friend of my
son hold very high positions in France and are wealthy. But, the day he turned
18, the son started working in a McDonald’s outlet in his country. First, he
tried his hand in the French fries section... where he realized that he was
spoiling the fries and inviting trouble for himself. Next, he chose to be at
the counter taking orders... Soon, he found himself talking more to customers
and taking fewer orders from them... Finally, he landed up where he loved his work
the most: doing the dishes! For entire summer vacation, till he left McDonald’s,
my son’s friend enjoyed his work experience!
And, now, here in Bangaluru, these
five young-men are on their own. The work which, our four Indian young-men,
including my son, do not like to do in their house – doing dishes - this French-young-man
loves to do... At 18, the outlook towards life, instilled in his mind back
home, had prepared him for this day... Yes, to survive superbly in a culturally-alien
place like India!
There, at 18, the parents want their children
to learn how to stand on their own feet... and, soon, move out into the world. They
want them to learn the skills of survival... yes, by being on their own...
And, here?
Well, I am just asking!
GERALD D’CUNHA
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