TO WHERE WILL I WALK ALONE?

“If you are not comfortable with yourself,

You are not comfortable with the world.”

Last night, my wife left for a week’s tour to Russia. Just about two months ago, our son had left home to live in his hostel at Pune. So, suddenly, I found myself alone, last night, in the whole house… It was a scary experience to deal with that loneliness.

Jiddu Krishnamurti says, “Our fears are always associated with our relationships.”

This means, whenever I experience a certain fear, I must trace the source: the relationship. So, if I am scared of living all alone, right now, my source of fear is my relationship with my spouse and my son. I need them, their love, and their validation… to feel comfortable, strong. This is the ‘web’ I have created… and I am ‘caught’ in it.

Every time I try to ‘possess’ something – be it my house, TV, car… or, be it my job, position, reputation… or be it my spouse, children and friends… even my faith, my beliefs – I am silently creating the web of relationships. And with that, I silently yearn not to ‘lose’ it at any cost… Yes, I should not lose my house, my TV, my car… my job and reputation… or my spouse, children and friends. I live with this constant anxiety, this fear of losing my ‘stuff’ – I am related with.

So, logically, it implies this: No ‘stuff’ no ‘loss’… and no ‘loss’, no ‘fear’. Thus, live all alone… all your life!

Is that living ‘socially’ all about? I hope it is not.

I need my family… no matter how lonely I feel – how afraid – when those who I love are not around. It teaches me - that my life is inter-dependant… I cannot do it alone. It helps me to be in touch with my deep need to be cared for and be caring… It makes me weak, at the same time strong. Even God had a Son who He loved deeply… the Holy Book says. I don’t think even God could love his son without feeling the fear of losing him!

“Ekla Chalo Re.” If no one answers your calls… walk alone. Tagore had made these lines immortal. The great poet must have felt the pain and the sacredness of relationship so much to pen that classic poem.

Only when you are able to be alone, walk alone… you will be able to be with the world… walk with others. Only when you are comfortable with yourself, you will be comfortable with the world.

The Latin American poet, Pablo Neruda, was hugely influenced by Tagore. I wish to conclude this post by bringing to life one of Neruda’s touching poems. It so beautifully tells – perhaps, what I am trying to tell, today.

Come With Me, I said…

Pablo Neruda

Come with me, I said, and no one knew where, or how my pain throbbed, no carnations or barcaroles for me, only a wound that love had opened. I said it again: Come with me, as if I were dying, and no one saw the moon that bled in my mouth or the blood that rose into the silence. O Love, now we can forget the star that has such thorns! That is why when I heard your voice repeat Come with me, it was as if you had let loose the grief, the love, the fury of a cork-trapped wine The geysers flooding from deep in its vault: in my mouth I felt the taste of fire again, of blood and carnations, of rock and scald. [Translated by Stephen Tapscott ] GERALD D'CUNHA