SOMEBODY HAS TO TELL THEM

 



“Manners are a sensitive awareness of feelings of others.

If you have that awareness, you have good manners,

No matter what fork you use.”

Emily Post

 

A young lady – let me name her Shyla* --  messaged me the other day (in my FB inbox): “Do you take (spoken) English classes?”

I replied: “Hello Shyla, yes, I do. Can you please share your number, so that we can discuss about it. Regards.”

After three days, today, I saw the response: “93……10”

I called Shyla… “Hello Shyla, this is Gerry Sir,” I said.

“Yes?” was her response.

“You had enquired about the spoken English, right?” I reminded her.

“Yes, tell me,” she said with the same deadpan tone.

“Yes, Sir… Please tell me (Provide me the information/Give me the details)”… I asserted, knowing very well – It’s now or never!

“Yes Sir… I want to be fluent in English… I am trying for a better job in an MNC,” she opened up.

“That’s better, Shyla… If you want to be fluent in English, you don’t need me… Start speaking courteously in full sentences – not in monosyllables, not in a wooden tone – ‘Yes?’ … ‘Tell me’… ‘Yup’… ‘Nope’… etc.

“Okay Sir, I am sorry,” Shyla acknowledged her oversight… “I didn’t realize that.”

I, quickly, switched gears, and said in an empathetic tone: “Yes Shyla, many of us do not realized these blind spots, and keep searching for improvement somewhere else… You are an H. R. Executive, as you told me… More than the fluency in English, you need to be sensitive to others’ feelings… It comes from the awareness of basic courtesy (Common sense). So, there is no issue about your English; there is an issue about your self-esteem.”

As I said, it’s now or never… There was no need to be goody-goody with someone who wants to learn/improve. Either the person would wake up to his/her blind spots – or doesn’t. Mercifully, this young lady woke up to her blind spots. I arranged to handover to her some of our books, with no strings attached, and said this: “Honestly, Madam, your English is perfectly fine… Just mind your basic manners. Best wishes.”

Did I ‘lose’ her?

Her message – post our conversation – indicated, that I had ‘won’ her!





Every time, a well-educated person replies in monosyllables - ‘Yes’, ‘Okay’, ‘Thanks’, ‘Thank-you’, I wonder: Whatever happened to ‘Yes Sir’, ‘Thanks Ma’am’, ‘Thank-you uncle,’ ‘Okay John’ – etc., etc. That little extra personal touch, I think, would make a huge difference to the other person – unless the other person, too, belongs to the same tribe!

“Somebody has to tell them with a hammer on their head,” one of my friends puts it dramatically…

I do tell some of them; but, not all. I leave someone else to do the hammer-work!





Lack of common sense, over-confidence, lack of empathy, ignorance, arrogance, unwillingness to learn – these are some of the mental blocks to many young men and women. But, as my friend, dramatically puts it – Somebody will tell them with a hammer on their head… Yes, if not today, tomorrow…

Just as I did, today, saying – “It’s now, or never!”

 

*Name changed

 

GERALD D’CUNHA

 

Pic’s: pixabay

Video: Storymon

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