RIGHT UNDER THE RIGHT FOOT

If I am in a boat, and the boat is in the middle of the river, and if I do not know swimming - then, I better not ask that poor boatman, “Do you know the Vedas?”

Because, when the storm comes, and when the boat goes down, he is surely going to ask me, “Sir, do you know swimming?”

It is pointless to argue with some… particularly the ‘I-know-alls’. The best way to win arguments with these kind is to leave them alone… Never to get entangled with them. For, it is not in their blood to give up… to concede. So, let them die in their own trap. You don’t have to lay one for them.

Yes, when the boat journey had started, that noon, the arrogant scholar had asked the poor boatman, “So, do you know the Vedas?”

“Sir, I am a poor village soul,” the boatman had confessed, sincerely,  “I have never seen the doors of a school."

“Ayyo Rama, what a waste of life,” the Brahmin had declared, “That means you do not know even Sanskrit?”

“No sir, how can I, when I have not been fortunate enough to enter a school?” the simple village soul had tried to explain.

“What a waste of life?” the all-knowing scholar had throw-up his hands in the air.

The deep-middle of the river had come by now. And, the monster storm too… The river had turned violent and boat was unable to hold itself straight… The panic had overtaken the all-knowing scholar… “Please do something, my friend,” he had pleaded before the unperturbed boatman, “Please save me.”

The boat was going down, and quickly. “Sir, have you learnt swimming?" the boatman had enquired.

“How could I, my friend,” the frightened and mellowed Brahmin had answered, “when I had to spend all my life in school learning the Vedas?”

“What a waste of life, sir,” the scholar had jumped off into the river as the boat went down, taking along with it the arrogance…

Around us,

there are plenty of scholars like this one. 

They will ask you 

when you row for them the boat, 

“Hello, do you know the Vedas?”

Friend, trust me, you don’t have to!

I remember  my good-old friend, Mulla. The Mulla Nasruddin. 

One day, when Mulla was in a foul mood – and of course, his darling donkey too - an extra-smart scholar had tried to throw some of his scholarly weight on my friend. 

“Hey Mulla,” the scholar had started, “Do you know where  the centre of the Earth is?”

“Oh yes,” my Mulla had replied without even blinking.

“Where? Can you show me?” the know-all man had challenged.

“Right here,” the Mulla had pointed, caressing sweetly his beloved donkey, “right under this right foot of my sweet ass.”

There is no record, whether the Scholar had ventured to lift the right foot the Mulla’s ass!

But, the story goes… even without that obvious end!

Your Ph. D is just a ‘phata hua dol’ … if you ever dare to ask the poor boatmen, “Hello, do you the Vedas?” Ditto, if you ever venture to challenge the Mullas with, “Hello, do you know where the centre of the Earth is?”

GERALD D’CUNHA

Pics.: Gloria Pinto