TO FILL YOUR NEED... AND NOT YOUR EMPTINESS

This young college-student was sharing with me her story.

Some months ago, she had come too close to one of her childhood friends; and, before she knew it, this friend had become her ‘boy friend’!

It felt good. Really good. Great! Initially, that is.

Suddenly, it felt like you were a winner in life… You suddenly looked so beautiful, so strong and your world appeared full of bright promises. Yes, the feeling was so special! The need to be with your special person was so forceful… the need to talk every second of the day, the need to know every  popping thought, the need to share every little incident, the need to promise on every setting Sun… the need to be assured, cared for, trusted and honored… the need to be ‘only yours’… ‘Only mine’… And, the need to tell that, hear that, feel that… and, long for it over and over and over again. And, to do it in a loving embrace!

You know you are in ‘love’… when all this happens to you!

And, as the months went by, this young girl, suddenly, started feeling that all familiar feeling of ‘suffocation’… that, sudden fear of losing, that annoyance of being encroached  upon your personal zone, that weight of pleasing, explaining, promising, enquiring, assuring, apologizing, and then, wondering: “What is all this happening in my life?”…  “Whatever happened to my childhood friend, with whom I had spent those glorious days without caring for any one around?”… “What happened to those carefree days? Those light moments of my heart, that freedom to be what I am and let him be what he is.?”

Yes, this young girl was going through this churning. It was disturbing her so much that she had begun to lose her concentration. Also, it made her irritated and angry with everyone around. Finally, when she realized that it was too much of a strain, she spoke her heart out to her friend on this. “We need to take a ‘break’ from all this, for sometime,” she gathered her courage and told him. He was shocked… “What break?”… “Why”?... “What’s wrong?” The young man resisted aggressively… Shouted… Cried… even blackmailed. But, by now, the young girl had decided to communicate to him what, she thought, was in their best interest. 

This girl was barely seventeen. He was older by just a year or two. There was whole life ahead… So many things to do and you had to do them at the proper time… If, at this age, you are imprisoned, 24/7/52, by thoughts like these, then, how would you ever live the rest of your life? What is left to live for?

So, when there was clarity from one end of the seesaw, the other end had to fall in line. The young man had no choice but to respect this wish, if he had really loved his girl. It was tough… But, that was the test of fire he had to pass: Whether it is love or my obsession? Whether I love the person or just the image? Do I seek her with hours to ‘kill’…? Or, do I seek her with hours to ‘live’?

Kahlil Gibran had said the last words in the Para above. A Youth had asked, “Master, speak to us of friendship.” I have never come across in my life words as profound and as beautiful as the ones Gibran has used in his little classic – ‘The Prophet’. I wish to share with you a small extract.

Your friend is your needs answered...

He is your field which you sow with love,

And reap with thanksgiving.

And he is your board and your fireside

For, you come to him with your hunger

And you seek him for peace...

When your friend speaks his mind,

You fear not the "nay" (No) in your mind,

Nor do you withhold the "ay" (Yes)...

When you part from your friend, 

You grieve not;

For, that which you love most in him 

May be clearer in his absence,

As the mountains to the climber 

Is clearer from the plain...

And let the best be for your friend,

If he must know the ebb of your tide,

Let him know its flood too...

This morning, the young girl looked really very light and happy. She told me, with a great deal of pride and confidence, that she had met her friend, just a couple of days ago, and they both had spoken to each other much the way they had when they were the childhood friends. There was no “What?” or “Why?” or… “When?”

Your friend is there in your life to fill your ‘need’… and not your ‘emptiness'.

Yes, this, too, the Master had said.

GERALD D'CUNHA

Pics.: Viraj Jejurkar